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ideation

Sometimes I wish I was an introvert. Maybe the pain of being alone a lot would turn to pleasure. I wouldn't need to schedule coffee dates because I wouldn't have this hole in my soul that can only be filled with the presence of others. I could easily pass off the last few years of having people as a phase. I'm an introvert now.  Grocery shopping panic attacks make sense because I'm an introvert now. I can pass that blame on to the pandemic maybe. I'll start getting comfortable with the fact that I am truly disabled now. I can't work or keep up with my own little business demands. It's ok, I was running out of energy lugging the same shit all over town. Also, I'm an introvert now. I'd rather not have to talk to people about what I make and why I make it. And be disappointed when they keep walking by, too turned off to even say hello. Introverts appreciate it that. We don't mind when people keep walking by. It's less stress to deal with in the ...
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Santa Countdown Day 4

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In the last 24 hours I have had some great conversations with two friends. Both have offered me the perspective I needed and both have let me speak my part, thus, further enabling me to let my ideas come to fruition and push myself to toward positive change. As a result, I had a wonderful day! I did housework, which is always so damn redundant, but is quite a necessity. I accomplished everything I set out to do today, which paved the way for the goals of the week. Remember, I did want to complete one gifty type craft as we are in Santa countdown mode. My paints are organized, my craft desk (yes, I have a desk dedicated to crafts) is cleaned and clutter free, and my task desk is also has order to it. I'm ready to make this week my bitch. But wait! There's more! I also had a relatively low pain day. I think when all is right in my world and I can focus on things one at a time and have my eye on a goal, I tend to focus less on what hurts. Yes, I am still in pain (and I will be...
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