Chronic Ama

The unbearably hard pull out bed was my constant reminder of all the times he did this for me. The lack of sleep I was already familiar with. My son said it smelled too much like hospital. I guess that's the only way yo describe this place.  We officially started Mark's Bionic Back Journey on the morning of June 3rd. It was a Monday. The Monday-est Monday that ever Monday-ed. No, really. Who the hell wants to start off their week with a large incision into their lower back to fuse to vertebrae together? I sure as shit don't wanna. I think two C-sections, a hysterectomy and a plethora of other surgeries have been a sufficient quota.  How did we get here? Well, around January 2018, Mark threw his back out (my husband, for those of you not totally in the know). It was actually a normal occurrence in his life (and mine too, I guess). I can recall plenty of times I've had to help him into the tub or out of a chair because said back was thrown out. This time was

"Love is in, hate is out" My daughter wrote that on our to-do white board. I told her we're adopting that as our mantra this week. We will choose love and will do things with love in mind. We had an amazing spring break. We didn't travel or really do too much, but we were together, which was what we needed. We got to be outside a lot, which was amazing. I grew to love morning coffee on the patio with all my plants and the company of the birds and hummingbirds that came to the feeder we put up. We also have plans to spruce up the patio a bit more by adding curtains to block the summer sun and a rug to make it a little more cozy. We are also just counting down until we can put the pool up, but I think we can wait til May.  This week has already been busy and will keep being busy, but we have all been ready for it. Yesterday was errand day to get things ready for our Coffee with the PTO event that was this morning. It was an easy event to put on and I

I tell you every day how much I love you and I will never stop. You have been there with me to hell and back, time and time again. Those trips aren't even worth recounting unless it's to remind myself just how much you mean to me.  You hold my hand through every step I take in this life. You are quick to pick me up every time I fall. You bandage my scraped knees and kiss my aches and pains away. Love is the best medicine I have ever had and you give me an abundance of it. I love to just look at you sometimes. I can get lost in your eyes, they're the most gorgeous green that I've ever seen. They truly are little windows to your soul, so full of the universe and everything that entails. I like to point out the ways you've changed through the years we've been together. The little white hairs in your beard remind me that we're growing old together. They match the silvery strands in my hair that I have chosen to keep dying away. Maybe one day I'll

I dont know why things like this are so hard to say face to face. Maybe its because through teary eyes and tear stained cheeks, words fail to do any justice to emotions and feelings. Words are just a filler between holding you tight and wiping away my own tears. Words don't form well between sobs and the need reach deeper and deeper for strength. I want you to know you are strong. You are one of the strongest women in my life. It is amazing looking up to you. It's just as amazing trying to figure out your strength. I want you to know that I can never be truly mad at you for anything. Its just these horrible emotions. I don't know what to do with them. I want to scream and yell to get them out of me. And then I want to drown them down down down where they fail to exist. I want you to know that I see you in me every day. I don't know if it's a gift or a curse to love so purely that every atom of your being is reaching out to help everyone. It's

My husband and I celebrated our 10 year wedding anniversary on December 27th, 2012. We've been together just about since I graduated high school, though. It doesn't seem like that long, but it's a good portion of my life that I wouldn't change for all the chocolate in the world or all the vodka in Russia. Now I'm not going to go into the cliche, we've been through good times and bad because that in inevitable in every relationship. Plus, I really hate when people say that crap because if you didn't have good times and bad times in a relationship, than you probably didn't have a good one.  Anyway... It seems like each week I fall in love with this man all over again. We post silly shit on each other's facebook pages and share the same facial expressions when our kids get on our nerves. We also have those moments when we just have to laugh at each other and it makes my heart melt. He washes the dishes after I make dinner in the evenings an