Chronic Ama

This week my breakfast idea was fabulous!! I've had a little more energy and have been sleeping much better. Next step is drinking more water. I love coffee and diet coke so much. Haha! But now it's time for more water. In addition to eating a little better, I've begun my fall cleaning. The kids craft cabinet is ready for Christmas crafts. My pantry is also nice and clean and almost ready for baking. Time to shower and enjoy my weekend!!!

I really need to post more instead of letting things build up until I have a million things to write. My only major concern at the moment is my horrible eating habits lately. I let my busy life get in the way and then I'm in bed at 8pm with no energy eating cookies. I start my day off with coffee and end up drinking coffee until the afternoon. When I realize I haven't eaten much of anything, it's too late because I'm running home and then running to get Bella from school and then helping with homework and making dinner. And now it's 5pm and aside from coffee and pretzels, I'm starving. Like,  eat a whole large pizza starving. Terrible. And then there's me chugging water just before bed, dehydrated as hell. No bueno. Tomorrow I'm going to start trying to get back on the path to eat better. I'm going to spend some time in the kitchen prepping some breakfast sandwiches and some quick meals. I need my energy back!! Anyone have any fast, easy meal ide

So I decided to really look at the calendar and realized it's just two weeks and two days till Loki turns 3. I really want to know where the time went. Seems like only last year I was bringing him home from the hospital. And now he's 3! Not to mention my Bella is going to be 7! Three weeks and one day till lucky number 7! And I can't stop thinking of all the milestones still to come.... Like I want to rush them and really have some fun. But I don't wanna  rush them. Not one bit. As much as it pains me to get them to brush their teeth every night and go get in bed and stay in bed... I'm going to miss it one day. Soon enough they'll be out with their friends raising hell and I'll be old. Haha! I don't think I'm going to look at the calendar again any time soon.

I think it's time for the daily blogs again. I'm overwhelmed and falling behind. I think I need to organize my thoughts and get some things out of my head. I haven't remembered any of my dreams lately. Either because I'm so tired or I don't get enough sleep or I just really am overwhelmed. But the other night I dreamed about you. It rained hard that night. And I dreamed I was running away in the pouring rain. You were chasing me, trying to catch make and tell me it was going to be alright. I stopped and let you catch me and it was alright. I think I feel into a deep sleep after that and woke up oddly at peace. I didn't question my dream. I didn't think about it much. I just knew that you would make everything better. And then every day since that night, you have made it better. Even for just a moment that I stop going crazy. I am happy. And that is amazing. So.... I leave you with that. Just for these moments I can stop. I need to stop more. Just stop an

Hey!! It's me!! I'm still alive. Some of you may know my story by now. No appendicitis... it was a precancerous tumor. I'm good. I swear. The surgeon said he was pretty epically sure they got all that fucking thing out before it could turn cancerous. I'm also confident that this evil will not die. I have too much to accomplish yet.  I will admit I haven't let anything sink in enough yet. I'm still up in arms about how to feel. Kinda scary, but no one has time for emotions and shit. Well, I don't, but everyone around me seems to. Just wish I could get a minute to let it all sink in and move on, but I can't even pee by myself.  So, there you have it, folks, I'm a hot mess again. Same shit different day. This time, I'm not selling tickets...  Fuck you, and good night!

Day 4 and I have no energy right now. Feeling the same. I also decided to take the rest of the week off work. I get tired fast and I move like a turtle. By Monday I plan on being much better and much less swollen. The swollen belly is torture. Today was a good day, though. I got to watch my daughter receive Principals Honor Roll again and then go to go out for lunch to celebrate. It was a good day. But I'm pooped now. And swollen. Haha. Not gonna let that go. Hope everyone sleeps as great as I'm going to!! And here's a picture of my son's most loved giraffe helping my belly feel better. So cute that little boy of mine!

This is apparently a hemorrhagic cyst, which is what I had. My husband looked at a bunch of pictures with me and he found a few that looked like the surgery pictures, but he kept insisting it was bigger than any pictures we found. I can't wait to see the damn surgery pictures!! I'm picturing a gigantic, bloody cyst covered in adhesions and looking all gnarly. I guess I'll have to wait 'til next week to see. I wonder if the surgeon will let me get a copy of the pic? or instagram it? Anywhoo... I'm 3 days into recovery and I'm doing better than I have after any surgery, except that I can't get over being so damn tired. I can cope with the sore, swollen belly, but being tired is killing me. I made muffins with my kids today and after that, felt like I needed to go back to bed. I was also hot and sweaty like it was 100degress in here, but it was only 76 and the AC was on. It's funny that I had been thinking about what I am afraid of for the past

Two days post op here... that makes 7 abdominal surgeries in my life. Yuck. It was unavoidable. Friday I woke up with pain in my lower belly, but it wasn't that bad, so I went about my day as usual. It was actually a good day as I got to be on the floor at work, which I actually really miss. By Friday evening, the pain had gotten worse and and my belly swelled up making me look 5 months pregnant. It was off to the ER, where a CT scan revealed my appendix was twice the size it should be and I had a large cyst on my ovary. I also had a very quick ultrasound where the tech encouraged me to keep asking for pain meds since the cyst was pretty bad. I had surgery Saturday morning, even though it was scheduled for Saturday evening and the surgeon hadn't even seen me yet. The surgeon was amazing! He was able to remove my appendix and the cyst and not cut any muscle, making for a faster recovery. I am still sore and swollen, but feeling so much better than I did Friday evening. So

Today I have come to realize that I am not my best when I stop putting myself first. The more I run around to do things for everyone else and not take time for myself, the worse things get. I have plan. Again... Today it's back to the protein shakes and working out. And I WILL also take my meds every day to prevent another month like April. I hate doctors visits and I wish to avoid them again at all costs. I also dislike being in pain. I can tolerate pain and I even enjoy some types, but this was not that enjoyable type. I am my own god and I need to always treat myself as so. When I am happy, everything else falls into place and the world can keep turning. Here's to a new month and a me back on track. Hail Satan!

Every night about the same time, boredom strikes. I can't fall asleep. There's nothing on TV. I can't play my music loud. I can't get inebriated. I'm in a creative funk of sorts. I'm lazy. I start making plans, then I remember that when I try to do that, shit hits the fan.... and windshield. So......   .... .. . I get to purge my annoyances via blog. Here come the daily blog posts again, bitches!! Also.... can't wait to get back here:

Kill. Me. Now. Acne. Bloating. Yeah, that's it. My face is breaking out like I'm back in high school and I feel like Mrs. Puff from Sponge Bob. Surprisingly, for the busy and hard week I am having, I'm not an emotional wreck. I think yesterday's shoe shopping took care of that.  Possibly. Good 'ol right ovary has taken a beating and is coming out on top. And it's killing me. At least I don't have cramps, right?!?! Wish me luck, I can see Easter closing in!

Watch out, I'm scrapbooking again. Time to clean off my craft table and see what pictures need to be printed. Wish me luck. I haven't done this since last fall....

6:30-7:30 PM is battle hour in my house.... Pick up your towel. What towel The one on your pillow What pillow The pillow you sleep on Brush your teeth No, I play trains It's time to brush toofies No, play trains Screaming More screaming Fighting Banging on wall Crying It wasn't my fault! What happened? And that is where mom and dad decided it was early bed time day. Boy-oh had a long day anyway. I think he's growing. Princess was up at 6:30, so I know she was tired too. I'm ready for bed. Or for some Modern Family and popcorn. Yeah, that sounds good.

Has my month of March gone? Oh where oh where can it be? With its days cut short and the work cut long. Oh where oh where can it be? Did anyone else sing that with me? Read it again. I know you want to sing. Don't know that song? Well, that sucks. I just want to go to bed already. I'm tired and I'm trying to look too far into the week and into next month already. Big changes are happening here and i'm halt and anxious all at the same time! So wish me luck! And maybe you can get some rest for me. .... or come sing me to sleep. .....

That's kinda what I feel like right now, even though I know it's not true. I'm tired and I have some decisions to make, although I'm certain the decisions have been made. I just need to ride them out and stand beside them. I also feel terribly overwhelmed again. I think I've over booked myself just a little. A little little. But I'm about to ask for some help and just get shit done. I can do this. I always come through. Just gotta keep my head on my shoulders and out of my ass.

Gonna be in for it tomorrow. Hungover and staying up late to watch Walking Dead. This girl is gonna need an extra shot in her iced venti non fat no whip mocha. No one piss me off tomorrow. And don't judge if I'm asleep under my desk.

That's what I need here. Ya know, I've never been a great fiction writer, but I feel like giving it a try. Maybe some dirty romance? What do you say? I think I have a good imagination. But my husband's trashy fiction is much better. Not sure if I could live up to that standard yet. But I still gotta try.

I think I'm getting bored with this. Just a little. Or possibly I have more to do than say lately. Like clean house and take out the trash and laundry. Ugh, so much laundry. It's piled in a basket on my floor right now. And now you may be thinking this is possibly a metaphor for something. It most possibly is. As I'm spending more time writing here than paying attention to my date tonight. I should go. And no pictures tonight. I don't feel up to it.

Indulgence. Gratification. Getting my way. Those are a few of my favorite things. And I practice them as often as I can. You should try it sometime. Try it without fear. You will eventually learn your limits and possibly push yourself out of your comfort zone. You might like it. You might not. It's not for everyone. If you can't let go of fear or regrets or guilt, there's no point in doing many things in life. Let go.

I'm out of things to say today. I'm happy to have a day off tomorrow. I'm happy I'm done with Girl Scout cookies. I'm happy I had a bottle of Apothic Red. It was yummy. I'm happy I got to have dinner with my sister today. I just a happy girl I guess!

Laying in bed..... waiting for the Walking Dead.....

My recap.... Wednesday... came home from work and slept 12 hours. I was pooped. Thursday..... stayed up late doing my nails for Friday. Friday.... Family Valentine's dinner. And here I am. My nails are already a wreck and I could use more sleep and if I eat anymore valentines sweets, I'll be in a sugar coma. I going to attempt a run tomorrow after work. Wish me luck. And smack my hand if I reach for another cupcake. Thanks.

The only thing I have to say is that PCOD can suck it. I can deal with the PMS. Ok, fine. (At least I don't have to deal with periods anymore!!!) I can deal with zits. Whatever. I can deal with insulin meds. Yup. I can deal with changing my exercise or just plain needing to exercise. But these occasional painful cysts can kiss my ass and go to hell. I don't care if they don't happen often anymore. I just wish they didn't happen at all. And you're not getting a picture tonight. I'm that irritated.

I've had tears in my eyes too many times today. First, Bella loses her first tooth during dinner and she thinks she swallowed it. That made me super disappointed since I have keepsake boxes for each kid for their teeth and locks of hair from their first cuts. But then,  my super smart husband roots through her spaghetti and finds her tiny little tooth. Yeah, I finally cried a little. The Logan gets his new bed this evening and is so incredibly happy, it's not even funny. Which was the perfect end to the day that he took initiative to pee on the potty himself. I am about to lose it. I don't have babies anymore. I have a beautiful young lady and a very happy big boy. At least I can step back and be a little proud myself. I incubated those growing babies and have taught them quite a bit. They are growing up to be such awesome little people! I am so proud I could just cry. And I am. I need a hug. I think it's time to jump in my comfy bed with my honey and let it all out

I think I've put a few pounds back on since Christmas. But I think I've been doing too many squats too. My skinny jeans were a bit tight on the ass this morning. I'm not complaining. I'm just going back to running and backing off strength training. Strength training also makes my hormones all whacked. Kinda sucks. I'll still keep boxing with the focus mitts, though. At least that's more cardio. Plus, I love my pink gloves. I have at least gained a big benefit from the exercise, though. I've been able to kick anxiety meds again. My new goal is to not have another "relapse," as my doctor says. Manic depression isn't fun. I can deal with it, but I'd much rather not. I think I can do it. It had been about two years between episodes. I need to widen that gap immensely now. I have the tools I need to do it. It's the kiddos bed time here now. Almost mine too. I'd love to stay up and watch the Walking Dead. Realisticly, I'll be aslee

Yes it was. Except that when I finally looked at a clock this evening, it was after 7. And this morning when I looked at the clock, it was barely after 6. And I still had things to do and errands to run that had to be put off another day. Which means tomorrow will be busy again. But, if this bed is as awesome as it was in the store,  I'm down for it. I'm going to sleep like a coma patient from now on! Pillow top, memory foam and gel! Bam! Now I need to invest in awesome pillows too. And I'm still undecided on a head board. Anyway.... I love this bed. And tomorrow I'll love it more I'm sure. Now it's time to get my kids in bed and prolly have some cheesecake before I hit the hay. Goodnight!

I gotta do this quick since my phone battery is nearly dead. Happy Birthday to my one and only, my super hero, my partner in crime, my husband!!! I know he hates birthdays now, but tough shit. We celebrated twice in one week. Super Bowl with birthday cake and birthday day dinner. It was worth it! So here's to many more birthdays and to changing your depends and to buying rocking chairs for the porch one day and all that fun stuff in between. I love you, honey.

I vowed years ago to never become the kind of parent that never has time for my spouse. I read do many articles,  stories and Facebook posts from parents that never make time for each other. That's never going to be us. I make sure of that. We may not go our for dinner and it's been too long since we've seen a movie in the theater, but we make time for each other. We have hot chocolate dates when it's cold out. I make hot choclate, he finds something to watch On Demand and we cuddle under blankets on the couch. That's just one of the many things we do. I feel bad for the parents that complain about not having time for each other. I also want to slap them and tell them to make time. Happy parents have happier kids. Happy parents are healthy. Really,  it's an easy thing to do. Just get creative. Tonight it's mini choclate cake and Big Bang Theory night. What's your plan?

Don't you forget. I kinda did for a minute there.  Until in was laying in bed last night trying my hardest to get some sleep. I've always held taking care of myself to great importance. I've also held on to the commitment I made to myself to not talk about being tired all the time. Both those things led me to a little realization. I need to do a little more for me. I've been doing my nails again.  And this week I started bleaching my teeth again and super moisturizing my face before bed. I already feel a lot better.  I've also been able to seek advice when I'm the person with all the answers. I'm happy I made the decision to do that. I felt relieved today.  This weekend I'm going to work out and not worry about all the things I need to do. I don't care if I run out of time. I'm going to measure my success in what I can accomplish while putting myself first and not making lists of crap that isn't priority. Watch out life, I don't just

Ok, I admit, the first person that posted the "click here to see my Facebook movie" made me totally think Facebook was letting people post porn now. Yes, I do have a dirty mind. I have yet to click on one of your movies because I have not had the time, but when I get time, I will be Facebook stalking all your movies one by one. And I totally admit that I will be disappointed if I don't see at least one cleavage shot in each movie. And then I will make my own. And I promise cleavage. Boobies rock!!

Guess I dropped the ball on blogging yesterday. It was a busy day, and that was even before the Super Bowl. Today was a good Monday. Except that I'm doing laundry and all I want to do it eat potato chips in bed. Which is a bad idea anyway. I love my job right now. I've always loved my job, but now I'm doing something I can be more passionate about I guess. I have great bosses and a great team. It gets frustrating at times, but if it didn't it wouldn't be work, right? I need to start measuring my accomplishments rather than my "to-dos" each week. I got grocery shopping done. I did my taxes. I'm doing laundry 'cos I don't have any clean work pants for tomorrow... That's all I got right now. I have to go put my kids to bed so I can start eating chips in mine....

Work Dinner Errands Coupons Modern Family (Insert drinking here) Don't repeat. Today was boring.

No, not really. Actually, I do. But I just don't give a big enough fuck to say it. Maybe when I have more time to sit down and collect my thoughts more. Who knows when  that will be. In the meantime, I leave you with my Valentine's wish list:

I really hate saying I'm tired. Or exhausted. Or anything that falls into those categories. But, today I really am. Mentally and physically. The worst part about it is that I don't even know why. Maybe it's because it's after 6:30 and I'm doing laundry, waiting for my daughter to clean her room and sort of dreading bath time. I'm just going to forget about it all and as soon as the kids are I  bed, I'm going to eat cookies. Like, a whole fucking box of them.

That episode of Sponge Bob where  Sponge Bob and Patrick are selling chocolate bars and that one crazy fish dude is chasing them and yelling "Chocolate!" I'm the crazy fish dude. But I have an accomplice. I guess hump day really needs to happen...... If you know what I mean.

I think I know why I avoid the mall. Took Mark's watch to Fossil for a better and it broke and new want worth repairing, so we traded in. I love Fossil watches though, so worth the investment. And then the jewelry store had pieces I couldn't live without. Valentines came early this year. I would have shopped more, but my little monkey butt was getting tired. That's my safety net for shopping. A tired two year old. But now I need my Bath And Bodyworks fix.

Can't shake the feeling that I'm on the verge of some kind of break through or grand revelation or something cool. I wonder what it is. Maybe it has something to do with my past fitting ever so perfectly with my present.  I find myself super delighted to be me. Even more so than usual. Maybe there is something to be said with a certain someone's birthday coming up soon. Perhaps I got rid of so much shit from the air in here recently that only the good is shining through. I guess I really don't have to know. All things in life show themselves when they are ready and when you are ready to see them. But I can't wait to see.....

that my kids don't knock my socks off in amazement. I am entranced by standing back and watching them grow and learn. Seeing Logan run toward "more planes" at the Air And Space Museum made me smile like it was going out of style this evening. Hearing Bella say "I'll be at the books" in the museum gift shop made me a proud momma of a smarty pants. Now I also get to look forward to watching Planes later with them. And probably eating popcorn and cookies. Damn, my weekend was awesome. Was yours?

Woke up. Worked out. Sold Girl Scout cookies. Saw an old friend and met the most adorable little boy! Yup. Today was good. And it gets even better. The kids are going to Nana's house and I'm getting taken out for ice cream! And then.... Tomorrow is going to be amazing too! But it's a secret for now....

I'm too tired to do this today. And I want ice cream. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

Stomach flu. Yup. It sucks. So I'm going back to bed to hopefully wake up all better tomorrow. I actually hate missing work.

Just gave me a tour of his new drum set up. And then I asked if I could read comic books with him. And then I said I wanted comic books for valentines. Well, what else do you get a girl whose cat eats roses and who is into working out? But the point is, do you know how awesome it is to date the person you married? I just wish I would have thought of it sooner. Maybe our "rough patches" wouldn't have ever been so rough. A movie and popcorn is all it takes. And some making out like teenagers. And of course, the random sext. Keep it interesting, my married friends. And my single friends too!

I've been neglecting my coupons. I haven't gotten a free sample in the mail since before the holidays. I feel sad. No, really. I like coupons. I do consider it one of my hobbies. I feel like a little part of me is missing when I haven't made time to file, clip and shop. I actually made time today, which makes me happy. The laundry didn't get done, but my coupons are clipped for tomorrow! I have to relearn (yet again!) how to make time for myself. Between work, kids, marriage, Girl Scouts and family time, I don't make any me time. I have been working out more, but only an average of twice a week. And that kinda sucks too. I think I've made my new goal to make time for myself at least every other day. I think that's a great start. Here's to coupons and to me!

And yet another milestone in my daughter's path. Today she gets her first real haircut in a salon. No more nana haircuts on random evenings. And she's so brave too! She was dreading her hair cut and now she's sitting in the chair smiling and loving how gentle the lady is combing her hair. My little girl is growing up and there's nothing I can do to stop it. So I'll just enjoy each and every milestone alongside her. And giggle with her and hug her.

So proud of my little Angel today! We took her around the neighborhood to sell Girl Scout Cookies and she really kicked ass at it! She wasn't as shy as she normally is. It was amazing seeing her beam and get excited when she made a sale! It was also amazing seeing her being so polite and making friends with the new neighbour kids. I hope my Angel knows she's learning so much and that I'm so proud of her. It may be just a little bittersweet seeing her grow up so fast. But I couldn't be happier with the young lady she's become!

My workout motivation just arrived last night by the case full. Girl Scout Cookie season is in full swing and I love Thin Mints as much as I love drinking and cursing. So, that's an awful lot. If you'd like to support some awesome little ladies and remove just a small box of temptation from my presence, hit me up. I'd be glad to get you your fix. And maybe I'll let you chase my toddler to burn a few calories. That's what I did this morning.

I'm an open book mostly. But I have to confess I'm in love with working out now. I don't know why. Maybe it's because my personal trainer is fucking hot. Maybe because vanilla bean whey protein is pretty tasty. Maybe it's just because I'm back and better than ever. I've always been a confident woman. I've always loved attention. I still do and I still get it. I'm also basking in the idea that for 33, I look damn good. Two kids and all. I also feel that for the great deal women talk about confidence and body image, it's all talk. We can bitch about it all we want, but until we get off our asses and make changes, talk is cheaper than dollar store lipstick. And I don't do cheap lipstick. So, here's to me and any other woman willing to change. It's only us that have earned the right to talk.

Nothing interests me for the last two days except chocolate and fried pickles. I cried listening to Katy Perry yesterday. I desperately want to cut off all my hair. I think I'm pms-ing. Good lord. Still not used to this shit as a regular part of life. Please keep me away from hair salons.  I just deleted my stylist's number just in case.

Had a proud mommy moment getting ready this morning. My daughter and I had our hair in buns, had our boots on and pink lip gloss. She's my mini me all the way. And then she tells me, "wow mom, I look better than you!" Yeah, she's definitely my daughter. I hope she always takes pride in the way she looks and always has that confidence. Confidence is important. I'm hoping she never feels she's too skinny or too fat or too anything. She's already perfect the way she is.

This is my second year selling girl scout cookies and my first year add a cookie manager. I'm so excited, it's not even funny. My girls are going to rock it out. You can't say no to these say faces. So, who's gonna buy some cookies this year?

Today was not awesome. I'm fairly certain I got some kind of food poisoning from the Chinese buffet yesterday. Stomach cramps from hell, among other things. I had Sprite for dinner and now I can't stop burping. So glad this day is almost over. Enjoy the pic of my unhappy tummy.