Chronic Ama

So I decided to really look at the calendar and realized it's just two weeks and two days till Loki turns 3. I really want to know where the time went. Seems like only last year I was bringing him home from the hospital. And now he's 3! Not to mention my Bella is going to be 7! Three weeks and one day till lucky number 7! And I can't stop thinking of all the milestones still to come.... Like I want to rush them and really have some fun. But I don't wanna  rush them. Not one bit. As much as it pains me to get them to brush their teeth every night and go get in bed and stay in bed... I'm going to miss it one day. Soon enough they'll be out with their friends raising hell and I'll be old. Haha! I don't think I'm going to look at the calendar again any time soon.

I think it's time for the daily blogs again. I'm overwhelmed and falling behind. I think I need to organize my thoughts and get some things out of my head. I haven't remembered any of my dreams lately. Either because I'm so tired or I don't get enough sleep or I just really am overwhelmed. But the other night I dreamed about you. It rained hard that night. And I dreamed I was running away in the pouring rain. You were chasing me, trying to catch make and tell me it was going to be alright. I stopped and let you catch me and it was alright. I think I feel into a deep sleep after that and woke up oddly at peace. I didn't question my dream. I didn't think about it much. I just knew that you would make everything better. And then every day since that night, you have made it better. Even for just a moment that I stop going crazy. I am happy. And that is amazing. So.... I leave you with that. Just for these moments I can stop. I need to stop more. Just stop an

Hey!! It's me!! I'm still alive. Some of you may know my story by now. No appendicitis... it was a precancerous tumor. I'm good. I swear. The surgeon said he was pretty epically sure they got all that fucking thing out before it could turn cancerous. I'm also confident that this evil will not die. I have too much to accomplish yet.  I will admit I haven't let anything sink in enough yet. I'm still up in arms about how to feel. Kinda scary, but no one has time for emotions and shit. Well, I don't, but everyone around me seems to. Just wish I could get a minute to let it all sink in and move on, but I can't even pee by myself.  So, there you have it, folks, I'm a hot mess again. Same shit different day. This time, I'm not selling tickets...  Fuck you, and good night!

Day 4 and I have no energy right now. Feeling the same. I also decided to take the rest of the week off work. I get tired fast and I move like a turtle. By Monday I plan on being much better and much less swollen. The swollen belly is torture. Today was a good day, though. I got to watch my daughter receive Principals Honor Roll again and then go to go out for lunch to celebrate. It was a good day. But I'm pooped now. And swollen. Haha. Not gonna let that go. Hope everyone sleeps as great as I'm going to!! And here's a picture of my son's most loved giraffe helping my belly feel better. So cute that little boy of mine!

This is apparently a hemorrhagic cyst, which is what I had. My husband looked at a bunch of pictures with me and he found a few that looked like the surgery pictures, but he kept insisting it was bigger than any pictures we found. I can't wait to see the damn surgery pictures!! I'm picturing a gigantic, bloody cyst covered in adhesions and looking all gnarly. I guess I'll have to wait 'til next week to see. I wonder if the surgeon will let me get a copy of the pic? or instagram it? Anywhoo... I'm 3 days into recovery and I'm doing better than I have after any surgery, except that I can't get over being so damn tired. I can cope with the sore, swollen belly, but being tired is killing me. I made muffins with my kids today and after that, felt like I needed to go back to bed. I was also hot and sweaty like it was 100degress in here, but it was only 76 and the AC was on. It's funny that I had been thinking about what I am afraid of for the past

Two days post op here... that makes 7 abdominal surgeries in my life. Yuck. It was unavoidable. Friday I woke up with pain in my lower belly, but it wasn't that bad, so I went about my day as usual. It was actually a good day as I got to be on the floor at work, which I actually really miss. By Friday evening, the pain had gotten worse and and my belly swelled up making me look 5 months pregnant. It was off to the ER, where a CT scan revealed my appendix was twice the size it should be and I had a large cyst on my ovary. I also had a very quick ultrasound where the tech encouraged me to keep asking for pain meds since the cyst was pretty bad. I had surgery Saturday morning, even though it was scheduled for Saturday evening and the surgeon hadn't even seen me yet. The surgeon was amazing! He was able to remove my appendix and the cyst and not cut any muscle, making for a faster recovery. I am still sore and swollen, but feeling so much better than I did Friday evening. So

Today I have come to realize that I am not my best when I stop putting myself first. The more I run around to do things for everyone else and not take time for myself, the worse things get. I have plan. Again... Today it's back to the protein shakes and working out. And I WILL also take my meds every day to prevent another month like April. I hate doctors visits and I wish to avoid them again at all costs. I also dislike being in pain. I can tolerate pain and I even enjoy some types, but this was not that enjoyable type. I am my own god and I need to always treat myself as so. When I am happy, everything else falls into place and the world can keep turning. Here's to a new month and a me back on track. Hail Satan!