Chronic Ama

After two percocets, the pain in my back is still so intense, I'm on the couch wide awake. There is absolutely no position I can get comfortable in. To top it off, my stomach has also been so upset that all I've had today is a yogurt and a sandwich. My stomach is growling, but the thought of food is making me nauseated. Just gotta keep sucking it up here. I've actually considered going to the ER just for better pain meds, but I am too exhausted to actually follow through. It's just me and my crazy thoughts tonight. I'm wondering who actually reads this shit. And if you do, who actually cares? If you're up to it, leave a comment here. I haven't had one of those in ages on this blog. It's OK, you can just keep scrolling now....

RAfter reading again and again on my news feed about getting back in shape, I'm wondering how many of you have followed through.. Or fallen through? I'm not quite work out ready yet and after bed rest and surgery recovery, I'm holding at 155 pounds. Yesterday my work out consisted of cleaning the bathroom, popping a Percocet and then finishing laundry. As much as I wanted to go walking today, I opted to detail my car and clean out Mark's car. Two birds, one stone. Burned about the same amount of calories and I feel accomplished. Protein shake for lunch! Let's see what tomorrow brings since now Friday is my new ETA to get an appointment with my doctor. Oh yay, waiting game fun times.

I'm officially on leave from work until I can start these stupid injections and get back to feeling better. I was supposed to hear back from the doctor's office last week, but I called them Thursday morning and Friday morning and haven't heard anything back. Ok, so it was technically a holiday weekend. I left another message this morning. I just feel like I'm racing against a timer now and the longer everyone drags this out, the less time I have to feel better. Does that make any sense? It sort of does, but nothing makes sense to me lately.  I feel fucking useless. I can't work right now because I miss more days than I actually work. I can't really start exercising again because about 3 hours into my day, the pain starts. When I start getting stabbing pains, if I don't take a pain killer right away, then the pain just gets worse and worse. I already feel like my family is sick of me and being in pain doesn't help things. This morning I'v

Today I reached that point in time where I just had to lay in bed and think about everything. I can't rush time and I certainly don't want to slow it down. So much ran through my mind, but the lingering thought was how damn uncomfortable I am. I feel like I'm in thr last month of pregnancy again. I have to pee all the damn time. I'm always hungry, but the pressure of my swelling makes me feel like everything I eat is huge and heavy. I'm overly emotional. I'm exhausted. But, I still don't think I've reached my breaking point. Aside from all the waiting games, I have been in constant contact witb the doctor's office. I'm going to stick it out one more day at work and then finally take a leave until I am back to my old self. At least now I know that by next week I should be able to start the first injection that will eventually provide some long term relief. My goal is to make it more than two years without needing surgery or having these shitty s