Chronic Ama

Lately I'm super drawn to all these "mom" shows and I had no clue why. Then it hit me tonight while watching the new Christina Applegate Netflix joint. I like that I'm part of this eclectic generation of moms. You know the metal head moms, the goth moms, the crafty moms, the wine moms, the soccer moms, the working moms, the stay home moms, the 5k running moms, the love to bake moms, career moms, and every and all combos of such groupings. We are so far removed from wearing pearls to vacuum, but some of us still do and that's pretty cool too. Let's just leave all those wierd Jell-o dishes alone and reorganize our "ain't fucking cooking tonight" menus.  I like that moms are into having mom friends. You know, that other mom you can text about needing to hit that parent teacher conference with a shot of Baileys in your iced coffee. Not because your kid is being a jerk or because the teacher is reminiscent of a turn of the century school marm, bu

I dont know why things like this are so hard to say face to face. Maybe its because through teary eyes and tear stained cheeks, words fail to do any justice to emotions and feelings. Words are just a filler between holding you tight and wiping away my own tears. Words don't form well between sobs and the need reach deeper and deeper for strength. I want you to know you are strong. You are one of the strongest women in my life. It is amazing looking up to you. It's just as amazing trying to figure out your strength. I want you to know that I can never be truly mad at you for anything. Its just these horrible emotions. I don't know what to do with them. I want to scream and yell to get them out of me. And then I want to drown them down down down where they fail to exist. I want you to know that I see you in me every day. I don't know if it's a gift or a curse to love so purely that every atom of your being is reaching out to help everyone. It's

Today is election day. I'm actually finishing my mail in ballot this morning and dropping it off at the polling place up the street. October got away from me because I was busy having fun. Plus, I think I needed the pressure of last minute to make my decisions. There's just too much going on in the world today. I actually may even watch the news later to see what's going on with the results. It's also a good thing to be an example for my kids. They'll be voting someday too.  Aside from voting today, I'm home with the LokiDoki monster who has a fever. I've decided that I'm going to let his fever run its course today. He needs to be better for school tomorrow. I've also had the sore throat for 24 hours now. I might as well rest up with him. I forgot to schedule my B12 shot last month, so my immune system may have taken a hit. I hate getting sick with everything. I'm glad the B12 shots have helped since I started them in March, after getting

Today I think about all the awesome stuff mom's teach us. And it's a smack down to reality when, even at 37, I am still learning from my mom. This last month, she has told me all the things I needed to hear. Things that force me to look at my life from a different perspective because I needed to be reminded that my life is always going to be bigger than me. My mom has given me so much strength through all my life and she continues to do that, without skipping a beat. My mom believes in all the things I can do and pushes me to do them, even when I think I can't. I know we don't always see eye to eye, but if we did, I wouldn't gain that other perspective that I need. (And I hope when my daughter gets older, she realizes this too!) Today we are celebrating my mom's birthday. No, I'll leave her age out of it. It's just a number, right? And does it matter? Birthdays aren't about getting older. Birthdays are about celebrating the day the universe brea

I'm stuck in a crowded room with the roar of laughter, conversation and a promising Friday night unfolding in waves of short skirts and polished hair all around me. The only thing missing is the crowded room. Because I realize I'm alone in my head and the promising Friday night is everything I wish I had instead of the deafening roar of responsibility and a over filled buffet plate in my hands that I keep trying to empty. In one corner you have my ultimate disgust for other parents. Well, not every single one of you. Just those that cannot carve out a few minutes to send a text, check and email or even give a shit about your kids' school work. You see, I'm battling my feat of parental failure enough while trying to explain to my daughter that I cannot make another parent pick up a phone to send a text (because phone calls are a thing of the past, right?) nor can I make them take interest in a science fair project that they opted to group together to tackle. I get it,

"The feelings I have will haunt me 'til I'm mad" It takes a cold, rainy, gloomy day to throw my universe back into alignment. Maybe not totally, but it's well on its way to being repaired. Each day is a fresh start, right? I just need to keep that in mind. I also have coffee dates planned, cookies to sell and a To Do list to knock the fuck out, which should all keep me in line. I will report that after nearly two weeks of utter crap with La Paloma Academy, my wonderful daughter is able to transfer to Sonoran Science Academy. This lifted a lot of the weight on my wings. I know no school is perfect, but with the rigorous academics and the inclusion of parent involvement, my gut tells me this is the right move. Of course, there are still decisions to be made and forward progression to take note of. But, today, I'm in a far better place than I was yesterday. And I didn't even need a Xanax! I need to finish enjoying the rain and the cold and