Chronic Ama

I read an article recently about "unicorn moms." No, really. Someone wrote that shit. Because some twit out there thinks I want to be compared to a horse with a horn growing out of its fucking head. OK, I'll bite the click bait because I'm curious if a mom with a subcutaneous hunk of keratin protruding form her fucking forehead is anything like the one with the giant cystic zit on her chin from all the stress in her life. Unicorn moms drink and curse and don't care of their precious little brat gets a skinned knee once in a while. Oh Em Gee! So fucking eye opening, right? Why is there such a pretentious desire to squeeze women who have popped out a little crotch demon into these ridiculous categories. Fuck it, I want to be an asshole mom. Does that make it any better? No it doesn't. Here's why. Today I rocked the fuck outta my khaki linen plazzo pants from Old Navy, clean hair for the week, and my messenger bag with a giant fucking goat head pentag

There are distinctly two different mes. I am forced to love them both. One side can get out of bed in the morning, have coffee,get dressed. The other me can't lift her legs out of bed. Shes a prisoner in her own body. Shes so full of medication, the world spins around her. She uses all her strength to shower. The first shower in two days. Her hair has finally been washed. She rubs body cream all over, even though her own hands on her skin hurt. The movement hurts. Standing becomes difficult. A clean dress instead of pajamas just to feel somewhat normal. Back in bed she goes. The next hurdle is to rehydrate. She fights back tears many times today. Sometimes the tears win. She's back in bed now, just wishing she could find the strength to get out of bed again. Comb her hair. Try to eat. She wants her children home with the normal her. She wants another dinner like last night. Happy. Healthy. Living. Because today isn't living. Today is trying. Coping. A test of w

My son is very smart. He's a little sponge. And he's also an open heart, ready to just spew love. So, today he went to the school office complaining of diarrhea, the one thing they have to take his word for. Can't really check to see if the mud butt is in swing or not, right? My mom brought him home so I could take care of him. I needed to mend his heart a little. He's been afraid of losing me. He sees the sadness in everyone's heart since Tata has passed and he is so very afraid of that kind of sadness. He sees my mom sad because she lost her father. He sees his mother sick a lot lately. He has correlated the two, even though they are very different things. I feel a little lost explaining death to my son. I don't want to see him so sad or so scared. I want him to be able to move forward and love life like I know he can. I know we are all healing right now and I just hope I can help heal him a little more. I want to calm his fears and set his mind at ease

I've decided to leave yesterday's blog as an abandoned draft. Sometimes I need to do that to grow from what I've written. It wasn't very nice. It was a whole lotta me being unhappy with work and feeling stuck. I have come to terms with the fact that I can't change it. I can't magically take the stress away and return my happy work family to a time before so much discontent. I believe that while each one of us does contain the power to change things if we so wish, there are some things we cannot change. Those that fail to bend usually break. Work is broken. It's toxic and I cannot be part of the redeeming forces that may or may not eventually bring back the bend that is so necessary to excel in anything.  Moving on now... I had another amazing day today for two reasons. One reason being that I had a follow up appointment with my new OBGYN. My bloodwork is all great (normal). No thyroid problems! Normal blood sugar. No more low potassium. I think my

This is the first morning in a long time I've woke up in a whole lotta pain. It actually started last night during family movie night. My left shoulder hurts every time I move my arm. My hips, lower back and legs keep getting shooting pains and have just stayed sore. I hate taking medication, but I'm loaded up and ready to feel better. I have a busy day ahead and I don't want to feel like this. Well, I can say that the best thing to take my mind off my pain is getting involved in something bigger than me. I attended a PTO meeting this evening and came home feeling so different from how I woke up. I am totally looking forward to our Trunk-or-Treat event next Friday. It's our first event and we're hoping to raise some money to get more projects up and running. Fingers crossed all the pieces fall into place.

Thirty-six hours of labor and an emergency C-section, that began with no anesthesia, later, this little nugget came into our lives and made me a happy momma. Not gonna lie, I totally wanted a girl as my first baby. I wanted someone that I could help shape into a strong willed, goal achieving woman much like myself. I think I have succeeded so far as the amount of stubbornness in her soul could move mountains, or root them further into the Earth. Happy Golden Birthday, Angel! I'm sure you're at school right now being the center of attention and basking in the birthday wishes from all around. You were born to be in the spotlight, baby, and I know if you keep pushing, you'll be queen of whatever you set your mind to. The world is big and scary, but you can tame it and make it your own. Nothing's impossible and your strong will can prove that to you and to anyone that tries to tell you otherwise. You have that same magic in your veins that I found in mine and it will se

Apparently Aiden the Elf has a sweet tooth. He really is a big help around here. Bed times have gone much much more smoothly! Too bad Logan is too little to understand that he's being watched! Maybe he wouln't pull hair so much...  I also had a break through with Bella eating breakfat this morning! I've been trying to get her to beat the timer so she could have a treat after she eats breakfast and gets ready. (This kid needs incentive to eat, so a Hershey's Kiss is what she gets. We did discuss this with the pediatrician and she agreed that it's OK. Long story... ) Well, she cannot beat the kitchen timer no matter what. She can easily drag a bowl of cereal out over 30 minutes. And I don't let her watch TV or do anything else in the morning. So, today, I found her hour glass in her bedroom. I decided to use it as a visual timer to finish breakfast and it worked! She ate quickly and got ready for school! Holy Cow! I'll have to blog about our mealtime

Well, I have lost 3 pounds in the last two months. So, I guess maybe it does burn a few. Ah, well, I've had an eventful day and week. It started with my doctor appointment on Tuesday. I was going to get this damn Implanon thing taken out and instead, we decided to do it when I go in for surgery again. Great! I'm having my tubes tied and possibly, my left ovary removed if it is really as fucked up as we think it is. No problem there. I was hoping to have it done in the next two weeks as the doctor implied, but when they called, they gave me the date of September 5th. Oh hell no. Not that week. I told the lady I wanted it done next week or ASAP. She hasn't called back. So, well.... waiting anxiously for all that crap to happen. I've had this kind of surgery twice already, but I'm nervous as fuck about it. Maybe it's also that having my tubes tied is pretty permanent. I really know I don't want any more kids, but a little part of me is sad that I won't

My 3 days of rest is coming to an end. Well, technically, I'm supposed to take it easy tomorrow too, but I need to get out of the house. Don't worry, I'm not going to run any marathons. Aubrey and I and the kiddos are gonna do lunch. Not sure where yet, though. Guess we'll see what tomorrow's cravings bring. I got a little stir crazy today until I realized that I could watch "Mystery Diagnosis" without having to turn to the score on the basketball game or have to "share" and watch 30 minutes of Dora. That was when I really started to relax. I tried to sleep twice, but Baby Buddy decided to play a game of inutero football. Not cool. This kid is already driving me nuts. Haha! I also got to stay in my pajamas and eat candy without having to hide out to do it. I didn't indulge too much. I'm still trying to get my proteins in, which I did without trying these last two days. I think I'm eating enough, so it's s not that that is weari