Chronic Ama

The unbearably hard pull out bed was my constant reminder of all the times he did this for me. The lack of sleep I was already familiar with. My son said it smelled too much like hospital. I guess that's the only way yo describe this place.  We officially started Mark's Bionic Back Journey on the morning of June 3rd. It was a Monday. The Monday-est Monday that ever Monday-ed. No, really. Who the hell wants to start off their week with a large incision into their lower back to fuse to vertebrae together? I sure as shit don't wanna. I think two C-sections, a hysterectomy and a plethora of other surgeries have been a sufficient quota.  How did we get here? Well, around January 2018, Mark threw his back out (my husband, for those of you not totally in the know). It was actually a normal occurrence in his life (and mine too, I guess). I can recall plenty of times I've had to help him into the tub or out of a chair because said back was thrown out. This time was

I tell you every day how much I love you and I will never stop. You have been there with me to hell and back, time and time again. Those trips aren't even worth recounting unless it's to remind myself just how much you mean to me.  You hold my hand through every step I take in this life. You are quick to pick me up every time I fall. You bandage my scraped knees and kiss my aches and pains away. Love is the best medicine I have ever had and you give me an abundance of it. I love to just look at you sometimes. I can get lost in your eyes, they're the most gorgeous green that I've ever seen. They truly are little windows to your soul, so full of the universe and everything that entails. I like to point out the ways you've changed through the years we've been together. The little white hairs in your beard remind me that we're growing old together. They match the silvery strands in my hair that I have chosen to keep dying away. Maybe one day I'll

Greetings and salutations from my beloved treadmill! I actually dreamed last night for the first time in a long while. I usually fall asleep with so much in my mind and then fantasizing about how to make my life better. I've been great about carrying around a journal again to jot down ideas and get things out of my head. Best therapy ever for me! Loki has taken more of an interest in music lately. Yesterday he watched music videos with Mark quite intently. And then when I asked him if he wanted me to trim his hair, he said no because he had to grow it out to do his mohawk. I put the pieces together last night in that he really liked the hair style of one of the guys in a music video. It wasn't quite a mohawk, but longer hair was involved. I'll be looking for that picture to post. This morning he asked if he could put music on his tablet, so I agreed that he could have his own Spotify account. I guess I need to invest in more Bluetooth speakers for the kids rooms no

I'm stuck in a crowded room with the roar of laughter, conversation and a promising Friday night unfolding in waves of short skirts and polished hair all around me. The only thing missing is the crowded room. Because I realize I'm alone in my head and the promising Friday night is everything I wish I had instead of the deafening roar of responsibility and a over filled buffet plate in my hands that I keep trying to empty. In one corner you have my ultimate disgust for other parents. Well, not every single one of you. Just those that cannot carve out a few minutes to send a text, check and email or even give a shit about your kids' school work. You see, I'm battling my feat of parental failure enough while trying to explain to my daughter that I cannot make another parent pick up a phone to send a text (because phone calls are a thing of the past, right?) nor can I make them take interest in a science fair project that they opted to group together to tackle. I get it,

My husband and I celebrated our 10 year wedding anniversary on December 27th, 2012. We've been together just about since I graduated high school, though. It doesn't seem like that long, but it's a good portion of my life that I wouldn't change for all the chocolate in the world or all the vodka in Russia. Now I'm not going to go into the cliche, we've been through good times and bad because that in inevitable in every relationship. Plus, I really hate when people say that crap because if you didn't have good times and bad times in a relationship, than you probably didn't have a good one.  Anyway... It seems like each week I fall in love with this man all over again. We post silly shit on each other's facebook pages and share the same facial expressions when our kids get on our nerves. We also have those moments when we just have to laugh at each other and it makes my heart melt. He washes the dishes after I make dinner in the evenings an

Well, I have lost 3 pounds in the last two months. So, I guess maybe it does burn a few. Ah, well, I've had an eventful day and week. It started with my doctor appointment on Tuesday. I was going to get this damn Implanon thing taken out and instead, we decided to do it when I go in for surgery again. Great! I'm having my tubes tied and possibly, my left ovary removed if it is really as fucked up as we think it is. No problem there. I was hoping to have it done in the next two weeks as the doctor implied, but when they called, they gave me the date of September 5th. Oh hell no. Not that week. I told the lady I wanted it done next week or ASAP. She hasn't called back. So, well.... waiting anxiously for all that crap to happen. I've had this kind of surgery twice already, but I'm nervous as fuck about it. Maybe it's also that having my tubes tied is pretty permanent. I really know I don't want any more kids, but a little part of me is sad that I won't