Chronic Ama

I feel like although some days fly by me, February is still being a relentless bitch. Mark's birthday passed. It was uneventful this year and I hate uneventful events. Does that even make sense? It should for anyone that knows me. I'm the celebration queen and my crown is a sparkling mess. I think it went along with all the uneventful events of the last few months. Valentines Day was as good as it was going to get, but mostly because we just needed a damn break. We finally saw "Bohemian Rhapsody" and it was beautiful. It was the little piece of art I was looking for, that small spark that my soul needed. It was also great spending the day with Mark. Although we've spent countless hours glued together this last month, it was just nice to sit and not have to rush for anything or be somewhere or check off a list. That makes me think of something I said this weekend... while we were quickly getting ready for a family dinner, we noted that on Friday we wanted to

I had the most amazing weekend! That makes two in a row. I hope we keep this as the current trend.  Friday was our first PTO event at the school. Sonoran Science East PTO First Annual Trunk-Or-Treat! I was so surprised at the amazing turn out as well as all the helping hands we had! The event even came together without any huge snags! It was a little stressful, I'll admit, but it was worth all the work we put into it. I'm excited to start planning more! Saturday we celebrated the life of the woman that showed me what friendship is all about. And we celebrated together as an amazing tribe of people. Linnea, you gave me the one thing that I had needed and searched for and that is an amazing group of people that are so full of love and caring. You showed me it was OK to be me, with all my flaws and everything. You welcomed me and my family into the tribe and we will forever be grateful for that. My kids are surrounded by other amazing kids and they are care for by so ma

It's storming here and my pup is pretty scared of the thunder. She usually isn't, but I think the combination of the wind and rain with it is putting her on high alert. She's desperately trying to get under the covers with me. I used to fall asleep with her when she was a little tiny puppy, but now having 65 pounds of poochifer on me is not quite comfortable.  I, on the other hand, am enjoying the rain. The sky has been teasing to dump rain for a few days now and it's finally here! While this has thrown a wrench in our plans to go to the lake this weekend, it has opened up the opportunity to stay close by and visit another museum. I'm excited to go on another family adventure. There will be plenty of pictures to share too! In other news, today was indeed my last day at work until at least October. All morning I dreaded telling anyone. I sometimes don't like explaining my health issues only because I sound like I'm a wimp. But, then, I remember a

I go to bed every night thinking the next day will be better. I'll get more done. I'll be motivated. I'll watch what I eat a little better. I'll be a little happier. I'll be prepared for life. Then, I wake up, start my day, and life just seems to shove me back down to this terrible place that I cannot break away from. I have never been the insanely angry and aggressive type. I've been mean, hella moody, bipolar, sad, upset, lonely, pissed off... and now I'm all that rolled into a ball of aggression and anger. I just want to lash out so very badly. I want to start pushing everyone away and just letting all the awful mean things I hide come to the surface. Let's see what tomorrow brings. Will all be well or will I lash out and be the mean me hidden beneath?