Chronic Ama

"Love is in, hate is out" My daughter wrote that on our to-do white board. I told her we're adopting that as our mantra this week. We will choose love and will do things with love in mind. We had an amazing spring break. We didn't travel or really do too much, but we were together, which was what we needed. We got to be outside a lot, which was amazing. I grew to love morning coffee on the patio with all my plants and the company of the birds and hummingbirds that came to the feeder we put up. We also have plans to spruce up the patio a bit more by adding curtains to block the summer sun and a rug to make it a little more cozy. We are also just counting down until we can put the pool up, but I think we can wait til May.  This week has already been busy and will keep being busy, but we have all been ready for it. Yesterday was errand day to get things ready for our Coffee with the PTO event that was this morning. It was an easy event to put on and I

My son is very smart. He's a little sponge. And he's also an open heart, ready to just spew love. So, today he went to the school office complaining of diarrhea, the one thing they have to take his word for. Can't really check to see if the mud butt is in swing or not, right? My mom brought him home so I could take care of him. I needed to mend his heart a little. He's been afraid of losing me. He sees the sadness in everyone's heart since Tata has passed and he is so very afraid of that kind of sadness. He sees my mom sad because she lost her father. He sees his mother sick a lot lately. He has correlated the two, even though they are very different things. I feel a little lost explaining death to my son. I don't want to see him so sad or so scared. I want him to be able to move forward and love life like I know he can. I know we are all healing right now and I just hope I can help heal him a little more. I want to calm his fears and set his mind at ease

I had the most amazing weekend! That makes two in a row. I hope we keep this as the current trend.  Friday was our first PTO event at the school. Sonoran Science East PTO First Annual Trunk-Or-Treat! I was so surprised at the amazing turn out as well as all the helping hands we had! The event even came together without any huge snags! It was a little stressful, I'll admit, but it was worth all the work we put into it. I'm excited to start planning more! Saturday we celebrated the life of the woman that showed me what friendship is all about. And we celebrated together as an amazing tribe of people. Linnea, you gave me the one thing that I had needed and searched for and that is an amazing group of people that are so full of love and caring. You showed me it was OK to be me, with all my flaws and everything. You welcomed me and my family into the tribe and we will forever be grateful for that. My kids are surrounded by other amazing kids and they are care for by so ma

I've decided to leave yesterday's blog as an abandoned draft. Sometimes I need to do that to grow from what I've written. It wasn't very nice. It was a whole lotta me being unhappy with work and feeling stuck. I have come to terms with the fact that I can't change it. I can't magically take the stress away and return my happy work family to a time before so much discontent. I believe that while each one of us does contain the power to change things if we so wish, there are some things we cannot change. Those that fail to bend usually break. Work is broken. It's toxic and I cannot be part of the redeeming forces that may or may not eventually bring back the bend that is so necessary to excel in anything.  Moving on now... I had another amazing day today for two reasons. One reason being that I had a follow up appointment with my new OBGYN. My bloodwork is all great (normal). No thyroid problems! Normal blood sugar. No more low potassium. I think my

We made it through another week, my friends. And this week ended quite fabulously. I spent a whole day at the kids' school helping out. First, I helped with picture retakes. Then, I made boxes for a candy competition to help with our Trunk-or-Treat event. Next was lunch with both my kids. I treated them to a special lunch and I also helped clean the cafeteria. I ended my day with distributing event fliers and candy collection boxes to each classroom. Let me tell ya, I was so impressed with how hard the staff and teachers work. I was excited to meet more of the teachers and staff. The amazing office ladies were busy from the start to the end of the day helping parents, sick kids and teachers alike. The principal started the day with a staff meeting and then spend the rest of the day going from classroom to classroom listening to and mediating between students that needed problem solving help. It is so refreshing to be part of a school that cares so much about the students and

This is the first morning in a long time I've woke up in a whole lotta pain. It actually started last night during family movie night. My left shoulder hurts every time I move my arm. My hips, lower back and legs keep getting shooting pains and have just stayed sore. I hate taking medication, but I'm loaded up and ready to feel better. I have a busy day ahead and I don't want to feel like this. Well, I can say that the best thing to take my mind off my pain is getting involved in something bigger than me. I attended a PTO meeting this evening and came home feeling so different from how I woke up. I am totally looking forward to our Trunk-or-Treat event next Friday. It's our first event and we're hoping to raise some money to get more projects up and running. Fingers crossed all the pieces fall into place.

I had a terrible brain fart just now. I looked at the date and erased it and retyped Twenty Ninth. I was scared that a lost an entire day (yes I do that on occasion when a migraine strikes, or when I get the flu, or when my pain levels aren't manageable) until I realized it was indeed the 28th today. Maybe in2as trying to speed up the arrival of October as the high today hit 100. That's pretty much fall in Arizona. Hell, I've celebrated birthdays in flip flops and I was born on Thanksgiving. Well, now that I know I didn't lose a day, I guess all is well in the world, right? I did this wonderful, scary thing last night. I volunteered to be vice president of the PTO at my kids school. I really miss being involved in something like that. We dropped Girl Scouts this year (my participation hadn't been that great due to my health anyway) and my son joining a soccer team didn't work out this year due to scheduling issues. I thought really hard about making this commi

"I was kinda getting sick of dreaming." Is a direct quote from Loki this morning as he got out of bed to get ready for his first day of second grade far earlier than he should have. Both kids were so excited for their first day of school. New school for Loki, new campus for Bellini. And when we picked them up this evening, they both said replied in unison, "AWESOME!" when asked how their day was. Made me so happy, that we needed to celebrate with burgers.  Yeah, I know, burgers really aren't on this diet plan unless they're wrapped in lettuce. It was technically the only meal I had time for today. I am NOT a breakfast person. My breakfast is usually coffee, water and my daily pill regime. Lunch is usually pretty light, but today lunch consisted of cold brew coffee with almond milk and all the pecans out of a bad of trail mix I ate while working my ass off. (Yes, most definitely busy season at work.) The point is, I refuse to get down on myself for enjoy

Greetings and salutations from my beloved treadmill! I actually dreamed last night for the first time in a long while. I usually fall asleep with so much in my mind and then fantasizing about how to make my life better. I've been great about carrying around a journal again to jot down ideas and get things out of my head. Best therapy ever for me! Loki has taken more of an interest in music lately. Yesterday he watched music videos with Mark quite intently. And then when I asked him if he wanted me to trim his hair, he said no because he had to grow it out to do his mohawk. I put the pieces together last night in that he really liked the hair style of one of the guys in a music video. It wasn't quite a mohawk, but longer hair was involved. I'll be looking for that picture to post. This morning he asked if he could put music on his tablet, so I agreed that he could have his own Spotify account. I guess I need to invest in more Bluetooth speakers for the kids rooms no

It's hot today . The kind of hot where it's nearly 8pm and still 103 out. Tomorrow's high is 110. But at least there is a slight chance of rain next weekend... 5 whole days away. Tomorrow I will be the proud parent of a second grader and a sixth grader! It's the official start of the school year! I'm excited and nervous. I also can't wait to get back into a routine. I thrive a little better in routine. And yes, there will be plenty of pictures!  I didn't get any excercise in today, but I still ate well. I have to admit that cake just isn't that great when you're so mentally focused on eating right and feeling better. Also, it was hot today. Did I mention that? It's hard to have an appetite while sweating like a whore in church and with the 120 ounces of water I dank. That's right, almost a damn gallon of water. And a giant iced tea in the afternoon because I needed something with flavor. I feel like a cow. Did you know that cows can

"The feelings I have will haunt me 'til I'm mad" It takes a cold, rainy, gloomy day to throw my universe back into alignment. Maybe not totally, but it's well on its way to being repaired. Each day is a fresh start, right? I just need to keep that in mind. I also have coffee dates planned, cookies to sell and a To Do list to knock the fuck out, which should all keep me in line. I will report that after nearly two weeks of utter crap with La Paloma Academy, my wonderful daughter is able to transfer to Sonoran Science Academy. This lifted a lot of the weight on my wings. I know no school is perfect, but with the rigorous academics and the inclusion of parent involvement, my gut tells me this is the right move. Of course, there are still decisions to be made and forward progression to take note of. But, today, I'm in a far better place than I was yesterday. And I didn't even need a Xanax! I need to finish enjoying the rain and the cold and

Well, I have lost 3 pounds in the last two months. So, I guess maybe it does burn a few. Ah, well, I've had an eventful day and week. It started with my doctor appointment on Tuesday. I was going to get this damn Implanon thing taken out and instead, we decided to do it when I go in for surgery again. Great! I'm having my tubes tied and possibly, my left ovary removed if it is really as fucked up as we think it is. No problem there. I was hoping to have it done in the next two weeks as the doctor implied, but when they called, they gave me the date of September 5th. Oh hell no. Not that week. I told the lady I wanted it done next week or ASAP. She hasn't called back. So, well.... waiting anxiously for all that crap to happen. I've had this kind of surgery twice already, but I'm nervous as fuck about it. Maybe it's also that having my tubes tied is pretty permanent. I really know I don't want any more kids, but a little part of me is sad that I won't