Chronic Ama

We drove to Phoenix yesterday for my post surgery follow up. I was a little surprised to find out that the pathology report came back that the excised tissue was not endometriosis. It was scar tissue. That was actually a bit of a relief that I may be in the clear now to move forward a bit more. I did find out that my continued pain is from muscle spasms. I am full of scar tissue (adhesions) in my pelvis. None of it was excised with my last surgery as it has worked to hold things in place in places that I've lost organs. OK, makes sense. Apparently the scar tissue can trigger muscle spasms, which causes pain. Not all hope is lost! We're hoping that a combination of medication and physical therapy should alleviate the pain. And even if that doesn't help eliminate the pain, we have a plan in for other things that can help. Now I'm just waiting to be scheduled for physical therapy again. I'm also going to keep trying my best to be active. I've been really

Sitting in a hotel in Tempe, Arizona this evening waiting on my husband to get back with dinner. I have to travel to see my pelvic pain specialist, as you probably know by now. I am nearing the end of my three day stay here to have my second laparoscopic surgery with this doctor. We were hoping this would be the start of figuring out my health decline. In addition to pelvic pain, I have debilitating migraines and what we think are symptoms of fibromyalgia. This is the beginning to answers and to healing that hopefully brings me a longer spell of good health.  I'm going to rewind to the beginning to December here (soon, i'd like to rapid rewind to document my female health journey). I had another follow up with Dr. Desai to discuss my worsening pain. She gave me two options. The first was pain management and physical therapy. The pain started when I was still quite active, running and walking on the treadmill as often as I could and also doing stretching and core streng

I never thought I'd be so nervous about discussing pain management with my primary doctor. I need some kind of pain management to help me between now and surgery. This is also at my specialist's request. But, I'm nervous and I'm here feeling like and addict, although I'm far far from it. This is what the opioid crisis has done to people like me. I know, I talk to other women with endometriosis who are in the same boat. I'm not the only one that refuses to go to the emergency room when my pain gets out of control. Dealing with unbearable pain is the lesser of two evils. I'd rather scream or cry than ask for help and be sent to a social worker again. I'd rather tough it out than be labeled a drug seeker. Because once that ink dries, it's there. It doesn't go away. I have plenty of medical evidence that shows I'm not a drug seeker, but that doesn't seem to matter. I am just person who needs some kind of pain medication to help me feel some

I am horrible at finishing blogs lately. I admit that, yet again, I haven't been feeling my best. And when I do feel good, I guilt myself into catching up on every single thing as fast as I can. And then sometimes that starts a vicious cycle. Today I'm trying my best to break that cycle. I'm nursing a migraine. I had a breakthrough for about 2 hours with no pain, so I finished laundry, cleaned up the kitchen, vacuumed, took out the trash, cleaned the cat box, watered my plants and then took a recliner break because my pain came back in an instant. I have to drive up to Phoenix to see my pelvic pain specialist tomorrow, so I decided that it was time to hit the breaks. I made myself get in a hot bath. I made myself take all my meds. I am making myself take care of myself, as odd as that sounds to me. This week if laundry goes undone, but I complete a craft, I'll be happy. I won't submit to guilt. I'll have more good days in return, and that's the motivation

I think in found a sort of niche blogging from treadmill. Work today was a beast, so I'm trying to destress before I work a little more this evening. It's that time of the year for me. I was on track eating well yesterday with intermittent fasting. My splurge was chunky peanut butter out of the jar. I had left over chicken tenders for lunch and I'm totally undecided about dinner except for a rogue beer I found in back of the fridge. I'm sure that will pair well with the buffalo marinated chicken I'll probably toss on the grill in a bit.  I'm hoping tomorrow I can make time to call for my medical records and to make a follow-up appointment with my pelvic pain specialist in Phoenix. I hate all these damn appointments. I also spaced my B12 shot for July, so I'll have to get that done too. Ah well, my stress I'm now in check. Time to start the grill, pour my bet and get some more work done.  Side note... one of the best compliments I

Today I kinda feel like a champion rabbit, with my fluffy fur all shiny in the sun and my little tail happy as can be. Ok, no, not really with the fur and tail, but maybe.  My primary doctor has been preaching to deaf ears about low carb diets and why it fits me so well. I think after the dairy free bullshit, I wasn't really into committing to another diet. I like food and I like dairy and grain, so fuck off, right? I mean, I've tried, but living a season without a tamale is close to blasphemy. Same goes for sugar cookies. And fudge. And biscochuelos.  Let's fast forward this. My bestie (I have a few, because, as an adult with kids, I know the importance of friends and social relationships) is currently on the low carb thing and she can go out for lunch and a dinner and still be good. Plus, she made cookies with almond butter that I really enjoyed. Also, having someone else that you can look up to and partner with while doing any kind of life changing diet or exe

I'm stuck in a crowded room with the roar of laughter, conversation and a promising Friday night unfolding in waves of short skirts and polished hair all around me. The only thing missing is the crowded room. Because I realize I'm alone in my head and the promising Friday night is everything I wish I had instead of the deafening roar of responsibility and a over filled buffet plate in my hands that I keep trying to empty. In one corner you have my ultimate disgust for other parents. Well, not every single one of you. Just those that cannot carve out a few minutes to send a text, check and email or even give a shit about your kids' school work. You see, I'm battling my feat of parental failure enough while trying to explain to my daughter that I cannot make another parent pick up a phone to send a text (because phone calls are a thing of the past, right?) nor can I make them take interest in a science fair project that they opted to group together to tackle. I get it,

No, I'm not writing this to start an argument or to say you're wrong. I'm not against what you believe in and I don't want you to think I don't care about birth control.  I'm writing this to show you why there is so much more to women's health than birth control. Yes, it is used as a treatment for acne, irregular periods, painful periods, heavy periods, etc. But, did you know those are also symptoms of other diseases.... other INCURABLE diseases? I bet you didn't. Acne and irregular periods are common symptoms of Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. Painful and heavy periods are symptoms of endometriosis. I have both. I was diagnosed with PCOS in 2006 and then officially diagnosed with endometriosis in 2015, even though endo was suspected in 2010. Birth control was pretty much the gold standard to treat PCOS when I was diagnosed, but what happens when you want to have kids? Birth control is health insurance's favorite treatment for endom

I haven't had the right mindset to talk about this stupid disease. My life had been a sort of rollercoaster for the last few months. Some days, it's smooth and the sun is out and I'm having fun, others, I'm taking hair pin turns and white knuckling the lap bar trying to hang on amid the pain and total lack of energy. But I keep going. I can't stop. I refuse to give up and let go and get off the ride. I live for the days in the sun, laughing and enjoying life. Which is why I opted for surgery again with a new doctor that specializes in pelvic pain. I started writing this blog months ago to hash out an internal argument over wether surgery was the right answer.... And it was. I'm two weeks post-op today and still recovering from the excision surgery that removed endometriosis from my bladder and peritoneum. I was the "AH HA" patient that helped prove that endometriosis CANNOT be cured with hysterectomy in some patients. I'm h

I'm going to make this short. I'm out of energy (spoons) for the day. Ironic how what is probably endometriosis resurfacing in my life happens to occur during endometriosis awareness month! I'm getting anxious to talk to my OBGYN about this. I have no clue what she'll say. I'm even more excited to talk to this pelvic pain specialist up in Phoenix in the next few months. Honestly, I don't want to have another surgery. I'd like to see what my options are first, if there are any. I guess I'll have a lot to consider when I see these doctor folk. Anywhoo.... My bed is calling me. Actually, I'm in bed in my pajamas already. I couldn't wait to climb in after the kids were tucked in. I wish I had to energy to get up and make some tea, actually. Maybe even a small glass of wine. Just something to relax me even more since I'm comfy enough. I feel like I'm rambling.... Happy Endometriosis Awareness Month!

Today I have officially been diagnosed with "Chronic Pelvic Pain." Well, fuck my life, right? Yeah, but I'm not going to freak out and give myself a panic attack. I'm so over that! I just don't have time to panic. I gotta take this day by day. At least it's bearable pain that's not interfering with my life [yet]. Everything so far points to scar tissues (adhesions) from all the damn surgeries I've had in my life. (I think I've surpassed lucky 13.) Guess we'll wait a spell and see what the new specialist has in mind. Oh, right! I'm apparently being referred to a doctor in Phoenix that specializes in pelvic pain. (http://www.dignityhealth.org/stjosephs/services/cancer-center/pelvic-pain-and-gynecologic-surgery/meet-the-team/michael-hibner) I'm kinda excited to see what comes of this. Maybe an end? Maybe a new diagnosis? Maybe nothing? Who knows? At least I have an excuse to visit Fluffit Marshamallows again! Look at me, looki

I made it through my post-op appointment yesterday. I was looking forward to getting it out of the way. It looks like I will be having my hysterectomy sooner rather than later. I told the doctor about the pain I was still having she was on the same page as I was as far as wanting to get it taken care of. She acknowledged that the pain was probably worse after the surgery since everything was “stirred up” inside. I’ve gone through one day where the pain was so bad I couldn’t walk and that was more than enough to endure. Hell, I couldn’t even walk around at the zoo for more than an hour and a half without limping. And I still can’t wear jeans. A few hours in jeans last weekend was all I could take. If it’s not stretchy, it ain’t getting on. Yuck. I also had work to think about. I was supposed to be going back to work tomorrow. One part of me was excited to be getting back to work. The other part of me was worried sick about how I was going to manage my pain if I was at work. I

Let me rewind myself a few weeks back to March. I went to my annual exam with my OBGYN and decided it was best to make an appointment for a surgery consultation in September. I was thinking ahead a little. I knew I was bound to have problems with my ovaries and with scar tissue from my C section and I also wanted to get my tubes tied and be done with it. I discussed all this with the wonderful nurse practitioner, who thought it was great that I was thinking ahead. She also warned me that if I started having pain again from cysts that I would need to bump up the appointment. No problem, I thought. I also had committed to exercising and trying my best to keep a high protein diet and eat my vegetables. I figured that this time around I was gonna be on top of my ovaries. Bah! Fast forward to midnight last night. I turned over in my sleep and was very rudely awakened by a terribly sharp pain in my left side. I thought I could wait it out and tried to fall back asleep. But, 15 minut

Had my follow up appointment number 23849728053780465 today for my pelvic pain. It started last Tuesday with cramps that just were so uncomfortable. I just didn't feel myself. Of course, the doctor though it was my period coming on... rest... pain killer... blah blah. Went back on Friday after waking up with pelvic pain in my left side radiating to my leg. Guess what, ANOTHER CYST! More rest, pain meds and follow up today. Since Friday I've been online and on message boards and reading books about PCOS . I discussed some options with my husband and we concluded that maybe I need a regular routine again. Going to bed at the same time, waking up at the same time, taking meds at the same time, planning meals, regular exercise. It's what was recommended when I was first trying to get pregnant with Bella. It apparently worked then because I was pregnant about 5 weeks into my "treatment" and while I was pregnant, I only gained 28 pounds and lost it all by 6 weeks pos