Looking forward

I made it through my post-op appointment yesterday. I was looking forward to getting it out of the way. It looks like I will be having my hysterectomy sooner rather than later. I told the doctor about the pain I was still having she was on the same page as I was as far as wanting to get it taken care of. She acknowledged that the pain was probably worse after the surgery since everything was “stirred up” inside. I’ve gone through one day where the pain was so bad I couldn’t walk and that was more than enough to endure. Hell, I couldn’t even walk around at the zoo for more than an hour and a half without limping. And I still can’t wear jeans. A few hours in jeans last weekend was all I could take. If it’s not stretchy, it ain’t getting on. Yuck.

I also had work to think about. I was supposed to be going back to work tomorrow. One part of me was excited to be getting back to work. The other part of me was worried sick about how I was going to manage my pain if I was at work. I worried myself dizzy today. I’m so mentally exhausted that I can’t sleep. I finally made the decision that no matter how much I wanted to go back to work, I wasn’t really comfortable going back and being in pain. I really didn’t want to have to start the day fine and then end up coming home and being in bed the rest of the day. That just isn’t fun for me to do. All that does is worry me more. So, I made the decision to start a leave until after the hysterectomy. I’m going to miss everyone, but I won’t worry so much now. I need to concentrate on feeling better and putting a giant period on the end of this whole thing.

I’m really looking forward to Christmas now. It’s going to be my feel better mile stone. Depending on when my surgery is, I should be back at work by then or shortly after and I should be able to just get on with life and not have to worry about pain or my health or surgeries or hospitals or doctors. I can just live and be happy. I’d like that.