Chronic Ama

I read an article recently about "unicorn moms." No, really. Someone wrote that shit. Because some twit out there thinks I want to be compared to a horse with a horn growing out of its fucking head. OK, I'll bite the click bait because I'm curious if a mom with a subcutaneous hunk of keratin protruding form her fucking forehead is anything like the one with the giant cystic zit on her chin from all the stress in her life. Unicorn moms drink and curse and don't care of their precious little brat gets a skinned knee once in a while. Oh Em Gee! So fucking eye opening, right? Why is there such a pretentious desire to squeeze women who have popped out a little crotch demon into these ridiculous categories. Fuck it, I want to be an asshole mom. Does that make it any better? No it doesn't. Here's why. Today I rocked the fuck outta my khaki linen plazzo pants from Old Navy, clean hair for the week, and my messenger bag with a giant fucking goat head pentag

It's been 8 days since surgery. I'm finally starting to have good days with minimal pain and discomfort. I finally started to tackle my "to-do" list today and checked a few things off. I'm hoping to file my taxes next week and get that shit out of the way, as long as my W2 from work makes it here. After completing a few things today, I realized I'm at the mercy of my emotions lately. I am still dealing with depression and slight anxiety. I am still not sleeping too well. Just when I find the right combo of meds to take before bed, it all goes out the window. Sometimes I come out of a deep sleep thinking about my grandfather. I wake up disoriented and my heart is sad, yet I don't feel the need to cry. Sometimes I wake up with breakthrough pain, even just hours after taking my nightly meds. It strikes me out of no where and I wake up worried that I will need to go to the hospital. Falling back asleep is difficult when you refuse to go to the ER, but th

I'm not currently very happy with Blogger's integration of their mobile app and desktop site. My blog post that I started working on this morning was just eaten. And that's not the first time that's happened. I'm also wholly disappointed in the app. I love using it for blogging on the go, especially on the treadmill, but it has so many glitches, it's annoying. I cannot post pictures to my blog from the mobile app and that sucks. Bitching aside, today I had a couple epiphanies. Is that allowed? Can someone really have more than one in a 24 hour period? Is that why my anxiety showed up after these lovely, revealing moments in my day? First, I have been keeping track of what I do every day and how I feel at the end. I've come to the conclusion that about 4 hours of activity (cleaning, shopping, just being up and on the go) is about all I can handle right now. I'm hoping to increase this a bit so I can be functional when I go back to work. I would like t

No, I didn't forget about you. I was busy enjoying my weekend with my family. We went on a mini adventure on Saturday to the Arizona State Museum and then to lunch at The Fix. I highly recommend The Fix for your mac 'n cheese fix. It wasn't crowded and the food was yummy. Perfect for a cheat day! Haha! I've almost survived the first day of my husband being away for work. I don't know if I'll survive the night. I don't sleep well alone. I think maybe Azra will have to snuggle with me tonight. Or, maybe I'll just pass out watching Netflix at some ungodly hour. I'll let you know what happens. My leave of absence was approved! I'm just waiting on seeing my primary doctor next week to have paperwork finalized. I indeed feel like a weight was lifted. Now I have time to focus on getting better (again) and going on to the next step in this plan of mine. You're going to have to wait for it, though. It's a lengthy process. I'm making toda

I set my alarm for 6pm today instead of 6am. I'd like to thank my bladder for getting me out of bed at 6:09. I made it to work early enough to set up to take care of my team today. It was a beast of a day. I ended the day with fatigue that I hadn't had in a while. My stomach was upset again too. I'm totally sure it was just being on the go all week that did me in. My Endo wasn't happy with that. I need some extra sleep and relaxation tomorrow so I don't start getting a migraine or a total flare day. I'd like to stay away from days like that all I can. As for what I ate today.... I went ahead and had some yummy Jimmy John's at work along with some chocolate chip cookies. I skipped dinner since my tummy wasn't happy. I tried to make it happy with Tums, but that didn't work. I have to plan my meals next week and I will definitely be packing lunch and making sure I take time to eat, thus preventing chicken nuggets and diet coke afternoons. To

I woke up at 5am with the worst anxiety. I think last night's tired and cranky children episode did me in. My daughter argued about wearing basketball shorts for gym. She packed yoga pants in 110 degree heat. And it's my fault. My son needed a hair trim, which I have almost successfully completed previously. This evening, he wasn't having it. He currently has a partial new hair style that we will be fixing after school. Wiggly boys and clippers don't mix. I'm never touching his hair again. Today I'm aiming for a better day and keeping my stress in check. I have plenty of super strong home made cold brew coffee to get me through. Back on the treadmill this evening!!! I'm so excited! It's been since Saturday and I missed this time to clear my head and get a workout in. I never would have thought that I would ever enjoy working out. But, it really does go to show that when you change your outlook, things become more enjoyable. Dinner is sausag

I'm stuck in a crowded room with the roar of laughter, conversation and a promising Friday night unfolding in waves of short skirts and polished hair all around me. The only thing missing is the crowded room. Because I realize I'm alone in my head and the promising Friday night is everything I wish I had instead of the deafening roar of responsibility and a over filled buffet plate in my hands that I keep trying to empty. In one corner you have my ultimate disgust for other parents. Well, not every single one of you. Just those that cannot carve out a few minutes to send a text, check and email or even give a shit about your kids' school work. You see, I'm battling my feat of parental failure enough while trying to explain to my daughter that I cannot make another parent pick up a phone to send a text (because phone calls are a thing of the past, right?) nor can I make them take interest in a science fair project that they opted to group together to tackle. I get it,

"The feelings I have will haunt me 'til I'm mad" It takes a cold, rainy, gloomy day to throw my universe back into alignment. Maybe not totally, but it's well on its way to being repaired. Each day is a fresh start, right? I just need to keep that in mind. I also have coffee dates planned, cookies to sell and a To Do list to knock the fuck out, which should all keep me in line. I will report that after nearly two weeks of utter crap with La Paloma Academy, my wonderful daughter is able to transfer to Sonoran Science Academy. This lifted a lot of the weight on my wings. I know no school is perfect, but with the rigorous academics and the inclusion of parent involvement, my gut tells me this is the right move. Of course, there are still decisions to be made and forward progression to take note of. But, today, I'm in a far better place than I was yesterday. And I didn't even need a Xanax! I need to finish enjoying the rain and the cold and

Well, I have lost 3 pounds in the last two months. So, I guess maybe it does burn a few. Ah, well, I've had an eventful day and week. It started with my doctor appointment on Tuesday. I was going to get this damn Implanon thing taken out and instead, we decided to do it when I go in for surgery again. Great! I'm having my tubes tied and possibly, my left ovary removed if it is really as fucked up as we think it is. No problem there. I was hoping to have it done in the next two weeks as the doctor implied, but when they called, they gave me the date of September 5th. Oh hell no. Not that week. I told the lady I wanted it done next week or ASAP. She hasn't called back. So, well.... waiting anxiously for all that crap to happen. I've had this kind of surgery twice already, but I'm nervous as fuck about it. Maybe it's also that having my tubes tied is pretty permanent. I really know I don't want any more kids, but a little part of me is sad that I won't