February 8, 2019
It's been 8 days since surgery. I'm finally starting to have good days with minimal pain and discomfort. I finally started to tackle my "to-do" list today and checked a few things off. I'm hoping to file my taxes next week and get that shit out of the way, as long as my W2 from work makes it here.
After completing a few things today, I realized I'm at the mercy of my emotions lately. I am still dealing with depression and slight anxiety. I am still not sleeping too well. Just when I find the right combo of meds to take before bed, it all goes out the window.
Sometimes I come out of a deep sleep thinking about my grandfather. I wake up disoriented and my heart is sad, yet I don't feel the need to cry.
Sometimes I wake up with breakthrough pain, even just hours after taking my nightly meds. It strikes me out of no where and I wake up worried that I will need to go to the hospital. Falling back asleep is difficult when you refuse to go to the ER, but the pain is so bad, that seems like the only viable option.
Some nights I have to wake up multiple times to pee. Mostly, my belly swells at night and the pressure on my bladder is not so fun.
Then there are the nights where my brain takes over, no matter how tired or relaxed I am. I think about the most worthless things like wanting to paint my nails or how I'm going to get dishes washed the next day. My brain is an awkward little bastard with things like that.
The days just keep going by and I find myself bored a lot of the time. While there's a number of things I can do to ease the boredom, that good ole depression kicks in and won't let me do anything fun. I had plans to work on my new blog and start publishing posts, but I sometimes just can't bring myself to sit down and actually do it. It's become one of many "impossible tasks."
I'm in need of some new music to get my out of this rut. I think this weekend it's juts going to be lots of music and projects with the kids. We're also hoping to make it to the school 10 year anniversary celebration. Mark and I were invited to speak at the ceremony, but declined as he has to work and there's no rhyme or reason to how I'm going to feel each day. It's definitely my intent to sleep well tonight and be present tomorrow, even if it's for a little while. I really miss being around the school and helping out.
I think I need to go back and finish some blogs that I've started. I'm also wondering if I should start an additional platform for my blog(s) such as a separate Facebook or Instagram. I'm not sure if it would be worth it.
I hope everyone out there in the digital universe has a great weekend. Don't forget to check in on each other. Call a friend this weekend for me. It's so much nicer when we can openly communicate, no matter how bad we are becoming at it.
After completing a few things today, I realized I'm at the mercy of my emotions lately. I am still dealing with depression and slight anxiety. I am still not sleeping too well. Just when I find the right combo of meds to take before bed, it all goes out the window.
Sometimes I come out of a deep sleep thinking about my grandfather. I wake up disoriented and my heart is sad, yet I don't feel the need to cry.
Sometimes I wake up with breakthrough pain, even just hours after taking my nightly meds. It strikes me out of no where and I wake up worried that I will need to go to the hospital. Falling back asleep is difficult when you refuse to go to the ER, but the pain is so bad, that seems like the only viable option.
Some nights I have to wake up multiple times to pee. Mostly, my belly swells at night and the pressure on my bladder is not so fun.
Then there are the nights where my brain takes over, no matter how tired or relaxed I am. I think about the most worthless things like wanting to paint my nails or how I'm going to get dishes washed the next day. My brain is an awkward little bastard with things like that.
The days just keep going by and I find myself bored a lot of the time. While there's a number of things I can do to ease the boredom, that good ole depression kicks in and won't let me do anything fun. I had plans to work on my new blog and start publishing posts, but I sometimes just can't bring myself to sit down and actually do it. It's become one of many "impossible tasks."
I'm in need of some new music to get my out of this rut. I think this weekend it's juts going to be lots of music and projects with the kids. We're also hoping to make it to the school 10 year anniversary celebration. Mark and I were invited to speak at the ceremony, but declined as he has to work and there's no rhyme or reason to how I'm going to feel each day. It's definitely my intent to sleep well tonight and be present tomorrow, even if it's for a little while. I really miss being around the school and helping out.
I think I need to go back and finish some blogs that I've started. I'm also wondering if I should start an additional platform for my blog(s) such as a separate Facebook or Instagram. I'm not sure if it would be worth it.
I hope everyone out there in the digital universe has a great weekend. Don't forget to check in on each other. Call a friend this weekend for me. It's so much nicer when we can openly communicate, no matter how bad we are becoming at it.
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