Chronic Ama

OH MY GAWD! I have so much to say right now. Like, my brain finally processed all that noise and now I can package it up and sell it like American cheese. Calm down. Not sure where I was going with that cheese part, except I haven't had much to eat today unless you count the popcorn samples and can of Chef Boy-are-you-kidding-me-this-isn't-pasta I ate. Oh, and a pretzel at work because I love stress eating and intended to, but life happened and I still have a pastry from my all time favorite spot chilling in a bag on the table... It's all because this morning I dropped the thing I love just a little more than my kids as a result of my back spasm. My beloved make-up and brushes cascaded down around me like Sephora was literally making it rain. Sit down, I actually do love my kids more, even when my favorite black sparkly Kat VonD lippie is painted on the side of the bathroom cabinet. I held my breath inhumanely long when I saw that disasterpiece. So yeah, my back spams s

September has not been off to a great start. I've been in a flare up since Saturday morning. I knew it was coming on too, but I ignored the warning signs. I was getting ready to go grab donuts for breakfast (gimme a break, we were still celebrating my husband's return home) and I felt like I was being stabbed just above the pubic bone, closer to my hip. It's a searing pain that catches you off guard. My first C-section was started with no anesthesia and a worn off epidural and when they started cutting on the left side, I felt everything! And yeah, the pain was like that. I went to the bedroom to sit down and catch my breath for a few seconds, not sure if it was going to go away or keep coming on. It finally went away in about 3 minutes, which felt like an eternity, especially because I was holding my breath and holding back a few tears. I was just sore, so I took a few steps toward the bedroom door. I could walk, so I should be fine, right? The pain came and went for the

Today I kinda feel like a champion rabbit, with my fluffy fur all shiny in the sun and my little tail happy as can be. Ok, no, not really with the fur and tail, but maybe.  My primary doctor has been preaching to deaf ears about low carb diets and why it fits me so well. I think after the dairy free bullshit, I wasn't really into committing to another diet. I like food and I like dairy and grain, so fuck off, right? I mean, I've tried, but living a season without a tamale is close to blasphemy. Same goes for sugar cookies. And fudge. And biscochuelos.  Let's fast forward this. My bestie (I have a few, because, as an adult with kids, I know the importance of friends and social relationships) is currently on the low carb thing and she can go out for lunch and a dinner and still be good. Plus, she made cookies with almond butter that I really enjoyed. Also, having someone else that you can look up to and partner with while doing any kind of life changing diet or exe

I haven't had the right mindset to talk about this stupid disease. My life had been a sort of rollercoaster for the last few months. Some days, it's smooth and the sun is out and I'm having fun, others, I'm taking hair pin turns and white knuckling the lap bar trying to hang on amid the pain and total lack of energy. But I keep going. I can't stop. I refuse to give up and let go and get off the ride. I live for the days in the sun, laughing and enjoying life. Which is why I opted for surgery again with a new doctor that specializes in pelvic pain. I started writing this blog months ago to hash out an internal argument over wether surgery was the right answer.... And it was. I'm two weeks post-op today and still recovering from the excision surgery that removed endometriosis from my bladder and peritoneum. I was the "AH HA" patient that helped prove that endometriosis CANNOT be cured with hysterectomy in some patients. I'm h