Chronic Ama

As a woman, I am well aware that health is often measured by that nasty little digital number on the top of my scale. It is insanely hard to change that idea since we are inundated with that measurement at every turn. I remember my primary care doctor having me sign a document that had my height, weight, and BMI on it along with information about how I was overweight and at risk for diabetes, even though my bloodwork had always showed my blood sugar as being on the low side of the normal range. I remember when I was dealing with all the issues and symptoms that go along with having Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome and having my OBGYN at the time tell me that I needed to not worry about how I'd get diabetes, I needed to worry about when because for one, it ran in my family, and for two, I had insulin resistance which usually goes hand and hand with PCOS. I remember the first time I stepped into my GI doctor's office. The older gentleman had more than a few extra pounds around his mid

It's been 8 days since surgery. I'm finally starting to have good days with minimal pain and discomfort. I finally started to tackle my "to-do" list today and checked a few things off. I'm hoping to file my taxes next week and get that shit out of the way, as long as my W2 from work makes it here. After completing a few things today, I realized I'm at the mercy of my emotions lately. I am still dealing with depression and slight anxiety. I am still not sleeping too well. Just when I find the right combo of meds to take before bed, it all goes out the window. Sometimes I come out of a deep sleep thinking about my grandfather. I wake up disoriented and my heart is sad, yet I don't feel the need to cry. Sometimes I wake up with breakthrough pain, even just hours after taking my nightly meds. It strikes me out of no where and I wake up worried that I will need to go to the hospital. Falling back asleep is difficult when you refuse to go to the ER, but th

A lot of my days consist of resting wrapped in my favorite blanket and afternoon tea because night time is hit or miss. I didn't sleep much last night. I ended up falling asleep on top of all the bed covers with my heated blanket because I couldn't move to get under them. At 1:30 this morning, I wandered into the kitchen for more meds and water and debated just staying awake until I got tired again. I didn't. I went back to my heated blanked that was now turned off and rearranged my pillows and stared at all the odd shapes that things make in the dark. I think around 3am I found sleep again. I wanted to wake up and go to the bookstore. I was still pretty sleepy as I made brunch at 11am. I drank coffee in a daze and I can probably only recount parts of my day. I allowed myself to fall asleep in the recliner in the late afternoon. The sound of cartoons didn't bother me as my zombie kids wrapped themselves in blankets and relaxed on their second to last day of win

Greetings and salutations from my beloved treadmill! I actually dreamed last night for the first time in a long while. I usually fall asleep with so much in my mind and then fantasizing about how to make my life better. I've been great about carrying around a journal again to jot down ideas and get things out of my head. Best therapy ever for me! Loki has taken more of an interest in music lately. Yesterday he watched music videos with Mark quite intently. And then when I asked him if he wanted me to trim his hair, he said no because he had to grow it out to do his mohawk. I put the pieces together last night in that he really liked the hair style of one of the guys in a music video. It wasn't quite a mohawk, but longer hair was involved. I'll be looking for that picture to post. This morning he asked if he could put music on his tablet, so I agreed that he could have his own Spotify account. I guess I need to invest in more Bluetooth speakers for the kids rooms no