Fuck Your Unicorns
I read an article recently about "unicorn moms." No, really. Someone wrote that shit. Because some twit out there thinks I want to be compared to a horse with a horn growing out of its fucking head. OK, I'll bite the click bait because I'm curious if a mom with a subcutaneous hunk of keratin protruding form her fucking forehead is anything like the one with the giant cystic zit on her chin from all the stress in her life.
Unicorn moms drink and curse and don't care of their precious little brat gets a skinned knee once in a while. Oh Em Gee! So fucking eye opening, right? Why is there such a pretentious desire to squeeze women who have popped out a little crotch demon into these ridiculous categories. Fuck it, I want to be an asshole mom. Does that make it any better?
No it doesn't.
Here's why.
Today I rocked the fuck outta my khaki linen plazzo pants from Old Navy, clean hair for the week, and my messenger bag with a giant fucking goat head pentagram on the front. I'm an eclectic piece of mom human that has no rhyme or reason some days. Hell, I just spent the better portion of my weekend covered from head to toe in hives. I think the only parts of me left hive-less were my coochie, face and armpits. Yes, my ass was bright red and hive-y too. But, that's a while different blog of the week. Fuck, at this rate, I should just bottle up my aggression and start a mom pod cast about all the stigma that is wrong with mom-dom in this century.
Oh. My. Gawd.
I am so fucking off track today and this train has gone bat shit crazy and is ready to sing along to some Patsy Cline.
And then there's this Coronavirus bullshit. Currently, there have been a little over 3,000 confirmed deaths attributed to Coronovirus. Let's compare that to the flu from October 2019 to February 2020. The flu death toll is currently estimated between 12,000 and 30,000. What. In. The. Actual. Fuck.
Yeah, I just Amazoned a case of fucking hand soap and a pallet of liquid clorox.
Really guys, I think we need a new plague. If we need to categorize moms that drink and curse, maybe the end of the fucking world is necessary.
And none of that made sense, yet I brought it full circle.
Thank you.
Good night.
Unicorn moms drink and curse and don't care of their precious little brat gets a skinned knee once in a while. Oh Em Gee! So fucking eye opening, right? Why is there such a pretentious desire to squeeze women who have popped out a little crotch demon into these ridiculous categories. Fuck it, I want to be an asshole mom. Does that make it any better?
No it doesn't.
Here's why.
Today I rocked the fuck outta my khaki linen plazzo pants from Old Navy, clean hair for the week, and my messenger bag with a giant fucking goat head pentagram on the front. I'm an eclectic piece of mom human that has no rhyme or reason some days. Hell, I just spent the better portion of my weekend covered from head to toe in hives. I think the only parts of me left hive-less were my coochie, face and armpits. Yes, my ass was bright red and hive-y too. But, that's a while different blog of the week. Fuck, at this rate, I should just bottle up my aggression and start a mom pod cast about all the stigma that is wrong with mom-dom in this century.
Oh. My. Gawd.
I am so fucking off track today and this train has gone bat shit crazy and is ready to sing along to some Patsy Cline.
And then there's this Coronavirus bullshit. Currently, there have been a little over 3,000 confirmed deaths attributed to Coronovirus. Let's compare that to the flu from October 2019 to February 2020. The flu death toll is currently estimated between 12,000 and 30,000. What. In. The. Actual. Fuck.
Yeah, I just Amazoned a case of fucking hand soap and a pallet of liquid clorox.
Really guys, I think we need a new plague. If we need to categorize moms that drink and curse, maybe the end of the fucking world is necessary.
And none of that made sense, yet I brought it full circle.
Thank you.
Good night.
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