Chronic Ama

I'm currently still on a search for as much information as I can find about the pending investigation into the drug Lupron. Lupron is a drug commonly used to treat prostate cancer in men, and more recently, to treat endometriosis symptoms in women (and men in some cases as well). It works by overstimulating the production of hormones, namely testosterone and estrogen, causing them to stop being produced temporarily. I fought with insurance companies in 2015 to take Lupron after having a surgery that provided no relief from my pelvic pain. It was the second to last resort treatment that my OBGYN at the time suggested. We didn't want to skip to the last resort, which was having my last remaining ovary removed, because being only 34, it was not the best idea to undergo surgical menopause. I was excited to try my 6 months of Lupron to see if it provided at least a few years of relief. It was highly recommended, with the only side effects being worsening symptoms shortly after t

I had the most amazing weekend! That makes two in a row. I hope we keep this as the current trend.  Friday was our first PTO event at the school. Sonoran Science East PTO First Annual Trunk-Or-Treat! I was so surprised at the amazing turn out as well as all the helping hands we had! The event even came together without any huge snags! It was a little stressful, I'll admit, but it was worth all the work we put into it. I'm excited to start planning more! Saturday we celebrated the life of the woman that showed me what friendship is all about. And we celebrated together as an amazing tribe of people. Linnea, you gave me the one thing that I had needed and searched for and that is an amazing group of people that are so full of love and caring. You showed me it was OK to be me, with all my flaws and everything. You welcomed me and my family into the tribe and we will forever be grateful for that. My kids are surrounded by other amazing kids and they are care for by so ma

OH MY GAWD! I have so much to say right now. Like, my brain finally processed all that noise and now I can package it up and sell it like American cheese. Calm down. Not sure where I was going with that cheese part, except I haven't had much to eat today unless you count the popcorn samples and can of Chef Boy-are-you-kidding-me-this-isn't-pasta I ate. Oh, and a pretzel at work because I love stress eating and intended to, but life happened and I still have a pastry from my all time favorite spot chilling in a bag on the table... It's all because this morning I dropped the thing I love just a little more than my kids as a result of my back spasm. My beloved make-up and brushes cascaded down around me like Sephora was literally making it rain. Sit down, I actually do love my kids more, even when my favorite black sparkly Kat VonD lippie is painted on the side of the bathroom cabinet. I held my breath inhumanely long when I saw that disasterpiece. So yeah, my back spams s

I've decided to leave yesterday's blog as an abandoned draft. Sometimes I need to do that to grow from what I've written. It wasn't very nice. It was a whole lotta me being unhappy with work and feeling stuck. I have come to terms with the fact that I can't change it. I can't magically take the stress away and return my happy work family to a time before so much discontent. I believe that while each one of us does contain the power to change things if we so wish, there are some things we cannot change. Those that fail to bend usually break. Work is broken. It's toxic and I cannot be part of the redeeming forces that may or may not eventually bring back the bend that is so necessary to excel in anything.  Moving on now... I had another amazing day today for two reasons. One reason being that I had a follow up appointment with my new OBGYN. My bloodwork is all great (normal). No thyroid problems! Normal blood sugar. No more low potassium. I think my

Today we had an early birthday celebration and we celebrated in style... Dia De Muertos style! We had tacos for dinner, followed by my first viewing of the movie "Coco" and finishing off with my homemade Pan de Muerto and other delicious pan dulce. Happy birth month, Jon! The highlight was actually finally watching "Coco," which I had been putting off for months and months for fear of becoming a ugly crying mess. I do that on occasion and I had heard time and time before that this movie was a tear jerker. And guess what? I cried just a little bit. It was such a fun movie! So colorful and also the source of my new favorite thing to sing to my kids when they make me "un poquititito loco," which is pretty much every day. It left me wondering, why do abuelitas always look so so angry in pictures? And I have pictures of abuelitas from multiple generations to back this up! (Thanks to my ancestry project a few years back.) It is just because a woman's j

To be honest, I'm writing this blog a few days late. I had such an amazing weekend, I kinda made blog notes, but that's as far as I got. I spent most of my Saturday with my tribe, including 13 kiddos and some pretty amazing adults. Man, I needed that connection so badly. I am so incredibly grateful for having other parents that I can relate to. Not that I didn't have that at all, but it just feels great to click as part of a group.  I think all adults, parents or not, need friends. And not just people we see on occasion. I believe we need the kind of friends that we can laugh and share with or even swing to the other extreme and share our grief with and, of course, everything in between that. Plus, it's a bonus for me when there are other parents, no matter the age of the kids. Kids need friends too and when they can learn to relate to kids of different ages, it builds on their social skills. Really, we just all need friends. That's it, plain and simple.

We made it through another week, my friends. And this week ended quite fabulously. I spent a whole day at the kids' school helping out. First, I helped with picture retakes. Then, I made boxes for a candy competition to help with our Trunk-or-Treat event. Next was lunch with both my kids. I treated them to a special lunch and I also helped clean the cafeteria. I ended my day with distributing event fliers and candy collection boxes to each classroom. Let me tell ya, I was so impressed with how hard the staff and teachers work. I was excited to meet more of the teachers and staff. The amazing office ladies were busy from the start to the end of the day helping parents, sick kids and teachers alike. The principal started the day with a staff meeting and then spend the rest of the day going from classroom to classroom listening to and mediating between students that needed problem solving help. It is so refreshing to be part of a school that cares so much about the students and

This is the first morning in a long time I've woke up in a whole lotta pain. It actually started last night during family movie night. My left shoulder hurts every time I move my arm. My hips, lower back and legs keep getting shooting pains and have just stayed sore. I hate taking medication, but I'm loaded up and ready to feel better. I have a busy day ahead and I don't want to feel like this. Well, I can say that the best thing to take my mind off my pain is getting involved in something bigger than me. I attended a PTO meeting this evening and came home feeling so different from how I woke up. I am totally looking forward to our Trunk-or-Treat event next Friday. It's our first event and we're hoping to raise some money to get more projects up and running. Fingers crossed all the pieces fall into place.

"Remember to look up at the stars and not down at your feet." -Stephen Hawking I haven't been excited to share a quote or read a great new book in a while. I was helping my daughter with finding an article for her homework and I came across a brief description of Stephen Hawking's last book. I'm enamored by his belief in aliens, in the idea that everything can be explained by the laws of nature and the sad realization of how divided we are.  Can you imagine a moment in time where people stop and look around and realize that we are all bigger than just the bodies we inhabit on this Earth? Instead of keeping your eyes down, focused on your own existence, wouldn't it be a nice change to stop and look at the stars? Look around you, focus on how you can impact the world around you, rather than how the world impacts you. Maybe we can stop wanting to fight over opinions and unpopular beliefs and learn basic respect all over again. I notice the noise in my

Driving from Flagstaff to the Grand Canyon through the San Francisco Peaks.... The forest is filled with magic. Gnarled old trees look like they can reach their darkened branches out and wrap me in an embrace not lacking emotion and full or warning. The small trees are almost sweet and whispy like down. They yearn to grow as tall as the sky. Between the trees, the energy of the universe gathers. Some call this god, some the goddess or even Mother Earth. But I know it's witchcraft, full of potential and read to be mixed with the energy or knowledge, growth and love. This kind of magic can teach you to love yourself and show the importance of caring for others. I wish every being could feel this magic. I wish it could be harnessed to heal the Earth, people and all. We could use some healing.

Last year's vacation was just three weeks after my first excision surgery for endometriosis. I had had plenty of ablation surgeries along with a hysterectomy previously. I wasn't afraid of going on an 8 hour car trip so soon. It was something I looked forward to. This year feels different. In the last month, my endo symptoms have been looking over my shoulder day in and day out. I was actually scared of the car trip and the walking. It's not normal to have stabbing pains when my bladder is full, but that happened yesterday. I can remember a trip to San Diego a few years ago that I packed double for not knowing if I'd be swollen like I was in my second trimester. It really didn't bother me then. Now I find myself only buying stretchy pants and leggings. Thankfully stretch jeans are all the fashion. Comfort is key, right?  I really shouldn't care, but the swelling has become a symbol of pain and discomfort again. It can sometimes be a symbol of healin

I've been reading a lot more lately. I've always loved reading, but haven't really carved out the time for it. I think I've read mostly comic books in the last few years. It still counts as reading. Recently I had the opportunity to beta read a book written by a friend. I honestly didn't know what to expect when I downloaded " Universus Respondet." I pretty much dove right in whenever I had time. I read in the pool on my pool floatie, in the car while my husband drove to get the kids from school, in the recliner in the evening while my kids zoned out to cartoons. It was hard to find stopping points when I needed to put the book down, as the adventure within pulled me and held tight.  The story takes place in the future, which is always a nice start for a good scifi read. We're moving in the direction of colonizing Mars when we encounter something alien. We had started watching the Alien franchise just before I read this book, which remind

I think this year I finally have learned to appreciate the beauty around me. I'm enjoying being outside and being on the go. There is a solace to nature that stops time and brings comfort to a weary mind. You stop being a slave to life and start to exist as you should. This is the first time I've enjoyed a long drive. I'm no longer paying attention to the road or the miles or the time. I'm thinking of ways to describe the blue of the distant mountains that shift to grey as we get nearer. Blues that join the sky farther off in the distance as the mountains melt into the horizon and your eyes strain to see more. Blues that turn grey as the mountains come closer into view. Slowly I can see the blue fade completely and the grey turns to brown and then begins to show bits of green. I enjoy watching the colors shift like a living work of art. The more your eyes take it in, the more you see and feel and connect with. Soon we'll see the leaves change as the northern land

I wanted to feel like I accomplished something this morning, so I made myself a to do list. It's very long and I should have put it in order of what needs to be done first. I figure it's ok if I take all weekend to finish the list. I also was thinking if I should reward myself between finishing tasks. I have some bakery treats, but no appetite. That won't work. I guess I'll reward myself by keeping the TV on and taking mind numbing breaks. Can't go wrong with Halloween things to watch. Let's see how this goes.... 0910, the bathroom is clean. Sitting down for a few minutes of "Halloween Wars" on food network. I don't know why I love this so much.  1413, the kitchen is clean, the pool is put away for next year, and I've cleaned up paperwork on my desk. I have also showered and curled my hair for the day. Halloween stuff is also out of the shed and in the house and I've put up a whole two things. It's a start. I have about 1

It's been a rough transition going back to work this time around. I want it to be Friday already. And I know I'm not working very much, but it's that when life is supposed to go smoothly, it throws out the spike strips to slow you down. I'm currently sitting in the dentist office with Loki. His not-so-loose tooth is hurting him. We went through the same kinda thing with Bellini, and she ended up having teeth pulled. Mind you, I'm supposed to be away work in less than an hour. Bellini also woke up with a sty in her eye. We're waiting that one out since it's not urgent and I can likely treat it myself. Fast forward to the afternoon. I'm sitting in the ER with Mark now. His back isn't doing so hot. We need to figure things out before vacation next week. On top of all this, Bellini is a little under the weather at school, but doesn't want to come home. At least that's one less extra errand for me for now. Let's see how things are when I p

I'm excited that it's October, because I finally get to show my true self! Ok, well, that seems so cliché now that I said it. I love all things Halloween! My house is Halloween every day of the year, but in October, the rest of the world joins us.  I want the month to go slow. I go back to work tomorrow, very very part time. I'd say I'm nervous, but I'm just preparing myself for the storm. It's busy season, but this year I am not going to work myself into a flare up or what ever else happens to my body when I stress out. Work exists without me and I exist without work. I can accomplish what I will in the hours that I am working and not worry about what I cannot accomplish in those hours. Plus, with the new pay increases, I'm almost back to working new hire wages. Yes, we all deserve a living wage, but when you have employees that after working for a company for 18 years will be making what every new person makes, it's just a big middle finger. Yet