Chronic Ama

We caught the rain on the way back from Phoenix this afternoon. It was the usual day trip to see my pelvic pain and surgery specialist. This visit was far from usual. I caught myself wanting to pull over or, at the very least, stick my head out the car window and feel the cold hard rain wet my hair and pelt my carefully painted face. I wanted to physically wash away the worry and stress that came with these trips. I wanted just to feel the world around me from this new perspective. I have no where to go but up now. It may be that I have reached the pivotal point in my health where I may be in the clear from the recurrence of endo. The bleeding lesions may never appear again. I truly wish this to be with a degree of foreseeable certainty, but I'll take the large chance I now have of never seeing this brutal disease grow inside me again. And that small sliver of uncertainty and doubt can go in the trash. Really. I don't need that doubt. I need the clarity. I'm moving on f

"Love is in, hate is out" My daughter wrote that on our to-do white board. I told her we're adopting that as our mantra this week. We will choose love and will do things with love in mind. We had an amazing spring break. We didn't travel or really do too much, but we were together, which was what we needed. We got to be outside a lot, which was amazing. I grew to love morning coffee on the patio with all my plants and the company of the birds and hummingbirds that came to the feeder we put up. We also have plans to spruce up the patio a bit more by adding curtains to block the summer sun and a rug to make it a little more cozy. We are also just counting down until we can put the pool up, but I think we can wait til May.  This week has already been busy and will keep being busy, but we have all been ready for it. Yesterday was errand day to get things ready for our Coffee with the PTO event that was this morning. It was an easy event to put on and I

Mom I love you soo much. It sucks to see you in pain. I can't even tell you how much it hurts me and even Logan to see you like this. Even daddy cries when you are not around. For everything that has been going on lately you are a freaking superhero. And I know you miss Tata because we all do. Even Nana has been doing so amazing. She is such a strong woman. After, everything that she has been through throughout her life. And Nanie, she is so strong and staying together. Even if she has those days I love her so much. Tata I freaking miss you so much. I can't even tell you how much I miss you. I am special to even know my great grandfather. Mommy keep up the good work. And you can tell me anything. I know I can trust you, as well. You are so brave and probably won't ever get rid of this but you can fight through it. I love you! My superhero!! BTW: I know my writing isn't great but who cares!            Bella, your baby angel :3

Last weekend we kicked off Spring Break with a trip to the Asian Lantern Festival at Reid Park Zoo. I had been wanting to go since hearing about it just after Christmas. It was the second to last weekend of the event, so we decided to give it a shot. Tickets were a little on the pricey side, but we found the admission was well worth it! We were greeted by a dragon when we got to the ticket line, just after 6pm. It was starting to get crowded, but the line moved fast and we got a taste of the lanterns while waiting outside. This dragon arch was huge and looked awesome! Once inside, we walked between rows of the Chinese zodiac. I am a Monkey, my daughter a Pig, my son a Rabbit and my husband a Dragon. Those born in the year of the Monkey are highly intelligent, creative and driven by emotions. Kinda seems to fit me to a tee! While we waited for it to get dark, we enjoyed the lion dancers and stood beside this huge dragon! Loki got a handful of fortune cookies that the

If you're at all like me and have even the most minute sense of wanderlust in your heart, the easiest thing to do is to start with what's around you. With that, I welcome you to my first blog about one of my favorite spots here around Tucson, Arizona. Gates Pass is just about a 30 minute drive from midtown Tucson and so very worth that commute. Gates Pass is a scenic area of the Tucson Mountains that I have enjoyed visiting since I was a kid. It's one of my favorite places to take out of town guests for a close to town look at the majestic saguaros. Gates Pass was named after Thomas Gates, who in 1883 bought the land to build a road which served as a shortcut through the Tucson mountains to his mine in Avra Valley. Over 100 years later, it's a popular spot for a hike, or to just stand at the overlook and take everything in around you. The sunset views are spectacular and after a summer monsoon, the familiar smell of creosote fills your nose and lungs. Bring t

This week I'm focusing on moving forward. Even with the beginning of a new month, I have felt stagnant and unable to step out of my comfort zone. I don't like always being in my comfort zone because my heart and mind long for so much more.  It's amazing how things work themselves out once you relinquish your hold on correcting them. Sometimes a deep breath and stopping in the moment is all it takes. Now, I think I am able to take better hold of my health, even if there is still a rough road to travel. I can see how all things are connected and I have a plan to make it over that hump. My goal is to have both my migraines and my leg pain well controlled by June.  First, I am trying new meds and starting physical therapy again. I am back on muscle relaxers to stop a lot of the spasming in my hips. It has helped tremendously in the last few days. I am also back to wearing this cursed abdominal binder. I never wear it long after surgery because it's uncomfortable.

We drove to Phoenix yesterday for my post surgery follow up. I was a little surprised to find out that the pathology report came back that the excised tissue was not endometriosis. It was scar tissue. That was actually a bit of a relief that I may be in the clear now to move forward a bit more. I did find out that my continued pain is from muscle spasms. I am full of scar tissue (adhesions) in my pelvis. None of it was excised with my last surgery as it has worked to hold things in place in places that I've lost organs. OK, makes sense. Apparently the scar tissue can trigger muscle spasms, which causes pain. Not all hope is lost! We're hoping that a combination of medication and physical therapy should alleviate the pain. And even if that doesn't help eliminate the pain, we have a plan in for other things that can help. Now I'm just waiting to be scheduled for physical therapy again. I'm also going to keep trying my best to be active. I've been really