Phoenix Rising

We caught the rain on the way back from Phoenix this afternoon. It was the usual day trip to see my pelvic pain and surgery specialist. This visit was far from usual. I caught myself wanting to pull over or, at the very least, stick my head out the car window and feel the cold hard rain wet my hair and pelt my carefully painted face. I wanted to physically wash away the worry and stress that came with these trips. I wanted just to feel the world around me from this new perspective.

I have no where to go but up now. It may be that I have reached the pivotal point in my health where I may be in the clear from the recurrence of endo. The bleeding lesions may never appear again. I truly wish this to be with a degree of foreseeable certainty, but I'll take the large chance I now have of never seeing this brutal disease grow inside me again. And that small sliver of uncertainty and doubt can go in the trash. Really. I don't need that doubt. I need the clarity.

I'm moving on from today with a large win in my pocket. This is that feeling I had in from the third floor parking garage the day I was told I could skip the ordered thyroid cancer treatment because the cyst was not cancerous. The sky was the most miraculous blue it had ever been. The mountains the most magnificent. And my heart sang the loudest. Today the rain was freshest, the lunch I ate was the most savory thing I had ever tasted and my heart belted out some sort of happy song that I couldn't hear over my smile.

The news got better. But, I'll have to save that tidbit for another day.

Now I can focus on keeping the balance. I can focus on moving everything and everyone around me forward. Up is the only way we can go. The door behind me is closed and I'm in an open array of possibilities. I'm alive again.