Chronic Ama

The unbearably hard pull out bed was my constant reminder of all the times he did this for me. The lack of sleep I was already familiar with. My son said it smelled too much like hospital. I guess that's the only way yo describe this place.  We officially started Mark's Bionic Back Journey on the morning of June 3rd. It was a Monday. The Monday-est Monday that ever Monday-ed. No, really. Who the hell wants to start off their week with a large incision into their lower back to fuse to vertebrae together? I sure as shit don't wanna. I think two C-sections, a hysterectomy and a plethora of other surgeries have been a sufficient quota.  How did we get here? Well, around January 2018, Mark threw his back out (my husband, for those of you not totally in the know). It was actually a normal occurrence in his life (and mine too, I guess). I can recall plenty of times I've had to help him into the tub or out of a chair because said back was thrown out. This time was

Lately I'm super drawn to all these "mom" shows and I had no clue why. Then it hit me tonight while watching the new Christina Applegate Netflix joint. I like that I'm part of this eclectic generation of moms. You know the metal head moms, the goth moms, the crafty moms, the wine moms, the soccer moms, the working moms, the stay home moms, the 5k running moms, the love to bake moms, career moms, and every and all combos of such groupings. We are so far removed from wearing pearls to vacuum, but some of us still do and that's pretty cool too. Let's just leave all those wierd Jell-o dishes alone and reorganize our "ain't fucking cooking tonight" menus.  I like that moms are into having mom friends. You know, that other mom you can text about needing to hit that parent teacher conference with a shot of Baileys in your iced coffee. Not because your kid is being a jerk or because the teacher is reminiscent of a turn of the century school marm, bu

We caught the rain on the way back from Phoenix this afternoon. It was the usual day trip to see my pelvic pain and surgery specialist. This visit was far from usual. I caught myself wanting to pull over or, at the very least, stick my head out the car window and feel the cold hard rain wet my hair and pelt my carefully painted face. I wanted to physically wash away the worry and stress that came with these trips. I wanted just to feel the world around me from this new perspective. I have no where to go but up now. It may be that I have reached the pivotal point in my health where I may be in the clear from the recurrence of endo. The bleeding lesions may never appear again. I truly wish this to be with a degree of foreseeable certainty, but I'll take the large chance I now have of never seeing this brutal disease grow inside me again. And that small sliver of uncertainty and doubt can go in the trash. Really. I don't need that doubt. I need the clarity. I'm moving on f

"Love is in, hate is out" My daughter wrote that on our to-do white board. I told her we're adopting that as our mantra this week. We will choose love and will do things with love in mind. We had an amazing spring break. We didn't travel or really do too much, but we were together, which was what we needed. We got to be outside a lot, which was amazing. I grew to love morning coffee on the patio with all my plants and the company of the birds and hummingbirds that came to the feeder we put up. We also have plans to spruce up the patio a bit more by adding curtains to block the summer sun and a rug to make it a little more cozy. We are also just counting down until we can put the pool up, but I think we can wait til May.  This week has already been busy and will keep being busy, but we have all been ready for it. Yesterday was errand day to get things ready for our Coffee with the PTO event that was this morning. It was an easy event to put on and I

Mom I love you soo much. It sucks to see you in pain. I can't even tell you how much it hurts me and even Logan to see you like this. Even daddy cries when you are not around. For everything that has been going on lately you are a freaking superhero. And I know you miss Tata because we all do. Even Nana has been doing so amazing. She is such a strong woman. After, everything that she has been through throughout her life. And Nanie, she is so strong and staying together. Even if she has those days I love her so much. Tata I freaking miss you so much. I can't even tell you how much I miss you. I am special to even know my great grandfather. Mommy keep up the good work. And you can tell me anything. I know I can trust you, as well. You are so brave and probably won't ever get rid of this but you can fight through it. I love you! My superhero!! BTW: I know my writing isn't great but who cares!            Bella, your baby angel :3

Last weekend we kicked off Spring Break with a trip to the Asian Lantern Festival at Reid Park Zoo. I had been wanting to go since hearing about it just after Christmas. It was the second to last weekend of the event, so we decided to give it a shot. Tickets were a little on the pricey side, but we found the admission was well worth it! We were greeted by a dragon when we got to the ticket line, just after 6pm. It was starting to get crowded, but the line moved fast and we got a taste of the lanterns while waiting outside. This dragon arch was huge and looked awesome! Once inside, we walked between rows of the Chinese zodiac. I am a Monkey, my daughter a Pig, my son a Rabbit and my husband a Dragon. Those born in the year of the Monkey are highly intelligent, creative and driven by emotions. Kinda seems to fit me to a tee! While we waited for it to get dark, we enjoyed the lion dancers and stood beside this huge dragon! Loki got a handful of fortune cookies that the

If you're at all like me and have even the most minute sense of wanderlust in your heart, the easiest thing to do is to start with what's around you. With that, I welcome you to my first blog about one of my favorite spots here around Tucson, Arizona. Gates Pass is just about a 30 minute drive from midtown Tucson and so very worth that commute. Gates Pass is a scenic area of the Tucson Mountains that I have enjoyed visiting since I was a kid. It's one of my favorite places to take out of town guests for a close to town look at the majestic saguaros. Gates Pass was named after Thomas Gates, who in 1883 bought the land to build a road which served as a shortcut through the Tucson mountains to his mine in Avra Valley. Over 100 years later, it's a popular spot for a hike, or to just stand at the overlook and take everything in around you. The sunset views are spectacular and after a summer monsoon, the familiar smell of creosote fills your nose and lungs. Bring t