21 weeks 4 days....

No two pregnancies are alike... especially between your first and second. I've heard that over and over and over again, but I seem to refuse to acknowledge it. I made it through my first 12 weeks unscathed, being high risk for miscarriage. In between, I had horrible cramps, which no one told me were completely normal with a second child. Thanks for that memo! As if being pregnant wasn't hard enough as it is...

I was released to my regular OBGYN in March, who took over keeping a close eye on me. In April, she decided I could only work 7 hour day shifts at work, which was fine with me. I can't lift or bend or run marathons. Again, fine with me.

May 5th we found out we're having a baby boy. Mark Logan Avery is due September 23rd. But, May 9th, we found out, he'd be coming between September 12th and 16th. Wooo! Time to start planning. A scheduled C section is fine with me, but I had 18 weeks to get things out of the way, which is where my trouble began. We planned a yard sale, set a date for a baby shower and for Bella's birthday, planned one last trip for something fun, started cleaning out the spare room, started that summer yard work and then I started with these lovely dizzy spells that sent me home from work this weekend. The doctor on call said it was dehydration, but the next day, I was home early again. Another trip to the doctor revealed that I was just plain tired and probably a little undernourished. Really? I wanted to cry. It's hard when someone points out again that this pregnancy just isn't like the last one. I already have a kid to take care of and a full time job that I can't just come home from and crash on the couch like I used to. Yeah, I know that, but apparently it didn't stop me from making 3 dozen cake pops, getting all the laundry done, grocery shopping, baby shopping, and housework done on my two days off and then rush to work on Saturday morning. I was pooped, even after two days off.

So, here I am with doctor's orders to rest for the next three days and then go back to work on Friday. I feel defeated, bored, sad and angry. I want to do all the things I am used to doing. I feel like I can only be half a mom, or maybe half the woman I'm used to being. I don't know. I'm still busy thinking about work. Who's going to help me get my workload done this week? Do I get to go back on Friday and have a 7hour shift to finish my adjacencies and tables? Is my boss going to help, or get me some help? Should I have asked when I talked to her today? Also, what am I going to make for dinner this week? Am I going to need to go to th grocery store? Should I bother chasing down the clock each night when it's time to get Bella ready for bed, or let Mark take the reins? Ugh, I'm already tired thinking about it. I wish I could have a margarita and sit by the pool. That would be nice.

I guess I just have to wait and see how the next week goes and continue counting down 'til my "due week." After baby comes, I'm clearing my calendar. I've started to not care about the plans I've set in my head. Cake decorating can wait 'til I feel like it.