Make Me Free

He said he drew a balloon because they see so much when you let them go. It gave me a different perspective on how I view myself in this dynamic life I live that always proves to be static and cyclical. I can't accept change because I haven't accepted myself. But yet, the balloon drifting in the wind doesn't change. It's still a balloon drifting up and over and around. That's the step I am missing. I don't have to change, I just need to see things different ways, look at different things. Take a step back and breathe.

I'm always over explaining myself. My illness. I let it define me too much, but really how else do I deal with something that will never go away? I don't need anyone to understand, but yet I push for their understanding. I am so frustrated with myself that I think if I can explain and make sense out loud, maybe it'll be ok.

I know I can't get any of the bad days back and make them better. But, I can make the best out of the good days. This summer seemed a fitting new beginning. June made me forget where I was a year ago. And July made me remember to keep going and stop putting off all the things I want to do. I can't be afraid anymore. I can be the balloon and let myself drift and see everything. I want to be outside, out in the world. I want to pay a sort of homage to my past and pave the way for my future and I want to be the fearless woman that everyone thinks I am.