Meant To Be
I guess I was meant to open Blogger today and see the blog my daughter left for me last April, at the beginning of the pandemic. I must have had a flare up at the time. It was probably stress about the world being on fire.
That actually is a great opener for why I'm back. It's been on my mind so much lately to keep blogging about being a chronically ill mother. Mom is a tough job in itself, but there are so many more variations when it comes the Chronically Ill Mom job. I'll just take things day by day here and see where we end up at.
I've been feeling down today because I got a migraine yesterday morning that started with pain in my neck. I think my nerves have regenerated rather quickly following the ablation I had done in April. My migraines had started 2021 with an intensity only matched by my uncontrolled fibromyalgia flares. I had cervical medial lateral nerve ablations done starting at C3 and then going up and down to burn off all the nerves that were the culprit behind migraines that left me barfing and writhing on the bathroom floor. It's not the best place to end up, but at least my bathroom is relatively clean.
As I was saying, I've been feeling down a little because of my migraine. I am unable to do much more than lay or sit in bed and walk to the bathroom or maybe the kitchen. This morning I made it a little further than yesterday, but I think I was daring the pain to come back. It sure as fuck did. I wanted to have a fun family day yesterday since my husband is off work on Mondays. Last Monday, we played in the pool and then made s'mores on the grill. Yesterday I totally forgot to take anything out for dinner and we had an impromptu "YOYO" dinner. (You're On You're Own, something so incredibly handy I learned from one of my mom podcasts that I religiously listen to each week.) Everyone did their own thing and the mood in the house was a little blah. I am trying to be forgiving with my inner monologue. I know my husband and kids ate and they were safe and they got through the day. Yet, somehow that doesn't improve my inner monologue of being a failure of a mom.
I'm currently in bed trying to take deep breaths through typing this and letting myself get out the thoughts it needs to. Does that even make sense? I mean, I know I'm a good mom and I am more than enough, but having to spend a few days in bed is so super shitty. I do need to remind myself that I'll be OK soon enough and I'll be back to my ass kicking nature. The universe must have needed me to slow down for some reason. Maybe it was truly time to get back to writing again. Also,
If you're a chronically ill mom, just know that it's OK to feel those shitty feelings as long as you keep reaching for the light at the end of the migraine.
Comments
Post a Comment