Chronic Ama

He said he drew a balloon because they see so much when you let them go. It gave me a different perspective on how I view myself in this dynamic life I live that always proves to be static and cyclical. I can't accept change because I haven't accepted myself. But yet, the balloon drifting in the wind doesn't change. It's still a balloon drifting up and over and around. That's the step I am missing. I don't have to change, I just need to see things different ways, look at different things. Take a step back and breathe. I'm always over explaining myself. My illness. I let it define me too much, but really how else do I deal with something that will never go away? I don't need anyone to understand, but yet I push for their understanding. I am so frustrated with myself that I think if I can explain and make sense out loud, maybe it'll be ok. I know I can't get any of the bad days back and make them better. But, I can make the best out of the good

I downloaded the FitStar app via my Fitbit a few months ago. I have used the free version about 4 times so far and I really like it. The free version gives you a workout a week, which isn't much, but it definitely helps with motivation. The nice thing, for me, is that the work outs are only about 15-20 minutes long, which is about all I can handle at the moment.  Staying active has become important to me in the last few years. Well, in the last 5 years since my hysterectomy. Since then, I have still dealt with pelvic pain from ovarian cysts (until I made them remove my last ovary in 2015) and endometriosis pain in my back and legs (which was finally diagnosed properly in 2015 after being suggested time and time again since about 2009), as well as debilitating migraines. Even after my 17 minute workout this morning, I am recliner bound with the heated blanket keeping heat on my back, hip and IT band, which are the source of my latest battle with pain, that I will be victo

Today I kinda feel like a champion rabbit, with my fluffy fur all shiny in the sun and my little tail happy as can be. Ok, no, not really with the fur and tail, but maybe.  My primary doctor has been preaching to deaf ears about low carb diets and why it fits me so well. I think after the dairy free bullshit, I wasn't really into committing to another diet. I like food and I like dairy and grain, so fuck off, right? I mean, I've tried, but living a season without a tamale is close to blasphemy. Same goes for sugar cookies. And fudge. And biscochuelos.  Let's fast forward this. My bestie (I have a few, because, as an adult with kids, I know the importance of friends and social relationships) is currently on the low carb thing and she can go out for lunch and a dinner and still be good. Plus, she made cookies with almond butter that I really enjoyed. Also, having someone else that you can look up to and partner with while doing any kind of life changing diet or exe

I'm stuck in a crowded room with the roar of laughter, conversation and a promising Friday night unfolding in waves of short skirts and polished hair all around me. The only thing missing is the crowded room. Because I realize I'm alone in my head and the promising Friday night is everything I wish I had instead of the deafening roar of responsibility and a over filled buffet plate in my hands that I keep trying to empty. In one corner you have my ultimate disgust for other parents. Well, not every single one of you. Just those that cannot carve out a few minutes to send a text, check and email or even give a shit about your kids' school work. You see, I'm battling my feat of parental failure enough while trying to explain to my daughter that I cannot make another parent pick up a phone to send a text (because phone calls are a thing of the past, right?) nor can I make them take interest in a science fair project that they opted to group together to tackle. I get it,

No, I'm not writing this to start an argument or to say you're wrong. I'm not against what you believe in and I don't want you to think I don't care about birth control.  I'm writing this to show you why there is so much more to women's health than birth control. Yes, it is used as a treatment for acne, irregular periods, painful periods, heavy periods, etc. But, did you know those are also symptoms of other diseases.... other INCURABLE diseases? I bet you didn't. Acne and irregular periods are common symptoms of Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. Painful and heavy periods are symptoms of endometriosis. I have both. I was diagnosed with PCOS in 2006 and then officially diagnosed with endometriosis in 2015, even though endo was suspected in 2010. Birth control was pretty much the gold standard to treat PCOS when I was diagnosed, but what happens when you want to have kids? Birth control is health insurance's favorite treatment for endom

I haven't had the right mindset to talk about this stupid disease. My life had been a sort of rollercoaster for the last few months. Some days, it's smooth and the sun is out and I'm having fun, others, I'm taking hair pin turns and white knuckling the lap bar trying to hang on amid the pain and total lack of energy. But I keep going. I can't stop. I refuse to give up and let go and get off the ride. I live for the days in the sun, laughing and enjoying life. Which is why I opted for surgery again with a new doctor that specializes in pelvic pain. I started writing this blog months ago to hash out an internal argument over wether surgery was the right answer.... And it was. I'm two weeks post-op today and still recovering from the excision surgery that removed endometriosis from my bladder and peritoneum. I was the "AH HA" patient that helped prove that endometriosis CANNOT be cured with hysterectomy in some patients. I'm h

I'm going to make this short. I'm out of energy (spoons) for the day. Ironic how what is probably endometriosis resurfacing in my life happens to occur during endometriosis awareness month! I'm getting anxious to talk to my OBGYN about this. I have no clue what she'll say. I'm even more excited to talk to this pelvic pain specialist up in Phoenix in the next few months. Honestly, I don't want to have another surgery. I'd like to see what my options are first, if there are any. I guess I'll have a lot to consider when I see these doctor folk. Anywhoo.... My bed is calling me. Actually, I'm in bed in my pajamas already. I couldn't wait to climb in after the kids were tucked in. I wish I had to energy to get up and make some tea, actually. Maybe even a small glass of wine. Just something to relax me even more since I'm comfy enough. I feel like I'm rambling.... Happy Endometriosis Awareness Month!