January 15th, 2019 - 16 days til surgery

 

I've been doing that thing again where I start to write, but then the idea gets lost somewhere and I never finish it. My list of drafts is getting pretty long. At least I have quite a few tidbits to read through in case I ever need an idea, right?

I've been thinking about blogging about how my make-up routine changes drastically the more my "spoonie" days show up. Honestly, there isn't a thing in life that endometriosis hasn't changed. It's overwhelming to think about. I've been sort of breaking things down in my head. Make-up for starters. The way I dress has changed. The things I eat changes weekly sometimes. Relationships and friendships change. Really, this list can get huge. 

I'm sure you know by now that I love make-up, especially make up in bold, different colors that I can play with. I live by the idea that a day without eyeliner is a day wasted. I like my eyeliner, but there's just some days that getting on face cream is about all I can mange, either physically or mentally. I used to not be able to go more than a day without make-up of any sort. Now, I can almost go a whole week. But, then, it changes during the week too. 

Sundays are usually days for extra skin care, meaning leaving off the war paint and donning a charcoal mask or something else special. They still are for the most part, but I don't think I do the mask thing as much as I want to. 

Mondays are the start of the week, or the start of appointments. We'll say Mondays are days that we can indulge in this love of color. Brows get tinted, eyeshadows carefully selected to match the mood or outfit. Eyeliner is carefully applied. Mascara, finishing power, highlight, lipstick are all carefully selected and applied. I feel so normal like this. And if I want to be extra extra, the contacts go in and a nice coat of eyelash primer gets swept under the mascara. 

Tuesday is just Monday part two, but with make up. We'll say Tuesday is another color day, but maybe not as blended or bold. Base color gets applied, then a crease color and a simple little brow bone highlight. Same eyeliner, mascara, lipstick. But maybe a simpler lippie. Something that I'm OK with leaving behind on my coffee mug. 

By Hump Day, or Monday part three, we're going for the "get it done and go" look. A sparkly nude shadow and liner with a hint of a wing. Mascara and highlight that all kinda blends in this natural look. Definitely a bold lip because we want to look put together. 

Thursday means we're a day closer to the weekend, but we all know being a mom means we really don't get a weekend, right? Today we can ease up a more. Matte nude shadow, liner mascara, and go. Oh, and toss that tinted chap stick in your pocket. 

Friday is the finish line, at least for school pick ups and appointments. We can go mascara and chapstick.

Saturday can be the ugly day. The day we can't get up to shower. The bed holds us tight and the heating pad caresses our pains. I'm lucky to get out of bed and wash my face on these days. I start to wonder if that made up Monday was really me and then I fear that it was so long ago and it'll be forever until it comes again. I start to miss that sparkle lip stick and eyeliner so precisely black that makes you know exactly why you love it so much. I have morbid thoughts about giving it all up. Yes, morbid, because why would someone ever give up something they love? It's not hurting anyone.

Maybe this was just the start of a big metaphor. Maybe it was really my need to break something down in my head. I wonder if I can run with it. What else could I possibly break apart?