Birthday Month Day 11

I've been awake for over an hour, watching the sun come up. I caught a cold from my son and have been coughing and coughing since it was still dark out. And the coughing has brought a lot of pain today. Yesterday too, but not this bad.

I feel like I should be used to it. It happens most mornings. My feet ache and I have to grip the edge of the bed and the door and the wall to make it across the hall to the bathroom. And then after a while, it dulls and I can ignore it.

This morning my back aches, likely from the cough, and the pain in my legs has me slowly breathing in and out so I won't cry out loud. Being sick triggers a pain flare. I remember back in January I had the flu. Once I was over it, my body just gave up. I was in physical therapy and I rememver my husband having to take me and help me walk in. I didn't want to miss a session and it was important to me for my therapist to see what a bad flare looked like. After all that, I ended up taking a few weeks of work to get better.

I get scared lot. People get sick, and that's totally normal. It's not normal to get sick and hardly be able to walk and needing weeks to recover. I'm scared that this is my new normal.

I've also recently enjoyed a few weeks without nausea. It's been nice to enjoy eating again. I abandoned my love of low carb because at least carbs filled me up. I think I've gained a pound or two back. It doesn't bother me. Losing weight without trying is quite disturbing. Unfortunately, the pain in my legs this morning has brought back the nausea.

I'm glad I took the time last night to do my nails. It's those little things that keep my mind off the way my body acts. And my goal is to shower today and get dressed and be normal. I want to run a few errands. I want to make something for a Thanksgiving game. I need to exchange my son's slippers (I estimated too big) and I wanted to treat myself a little with my Sephora coupon. I also need to try to go to the grocery store, but that can wait til tomorrow.

I need to try to get out of bed now. Wish me luck for the day.