Birthday Month Day 15

It's 2:15 in the afternoon.  I only worked 4 hours today, but my body feels like I worked 10.  I finally got my B12 shot. For the 1st time it made my arm hurt pretty bad.

I don't know how to say this but I've been slowly feeling depressed again.  I start my leave from work on Tuesday And that's not really a bad thing. 18 years of working with a company... It's gonna be a little sad to start my leave because I know I'm probably not coming back. If anything I'm not looking forward to missing the people that I have grown to love over the years. I know this is the right decision for me, though.

I think for the 1st time in a long time I'm not looking forward to my birthday. I have no plans for the 2nd year in a row and I don't even know if I want to celebrate. That makes me sad because I love celebrating anything and everything. I don't care about getting older. It just feels like my life is changing so dramatically. It's also hard to celebrate without the person I love so much because he'll be working so much the season. I'm over the whole thing.

Even though I'm the Halloween Queen, I've grown to love Christmas since having kids. This year I'm just not looking forward to it.  I feel like this year I'm gonna have to fake it to make it. At least I'm good at that.

It doesn't help that I'm going on my second week of being sick. I went to urgent care and got cough medicine that didn't do shit. I didn't sleep last night. My ear hurts  my throat is sore, my nose is raw. I hope this B12 helps. Maybe I need to try again at urgent care. Because that sounds like fun right?

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