Birthday Month Day 7

I've been feeling great the last two days and all I can think of is how the pendulum of my health swings to such extremes. Lately I try to keep track of everything to see what sets me off and what doesn't and there really is no rhyme or reason to any of it. This past Saturday morning, I could barely walk and it took an awful lot of medication to get me through the day. It was a great day in the end, but one still filled with lots of pain. And then today, I got up at my regular time, started laundry and picking up the house and then went outside to start to paint the porch. It was such a huge difference from how I felt just days before.

On good days like today, I can't even fathom how I could have been in so much pain. I try not to waste a second of a good day. I don't know if I mentally put all the bad days in the back of my mind or if I hyper focus on feeling so good. It boggles me. Completely.

I also never know how I am going to feel the next day. Today's day of painting and chores could be followed with a day that I can barely move or get out of bed. The kind of day that makes me wonder how I had the energy and stamina to do more than brush my teeth and shower. Yeah, there are those days that brushing my teeth and showering are enough to send me back to bed.

I just want some sort of baseline again. I'd give anything to get through the end of 2018 just doing normal day to day things and not having to worry about pain. Hell, I'd even be happy just figuring out what triggers those bad days.

I feel like this blog has gotten me no where today. It's the only thing on my mind. It's kinda nice having a peaceful day. A quiet day in my head is rare, so I'll take it. Wonder if tomorrow's going to be as quiet?