Chronic Ama

Let me be honest today. I've been struggling with depression for over a month now. It's getting harder to hide. I don't sleep well. I've only dreamed once in weeks. I keep losing weight despite all the holiday food. Thankfully my make up does beautifully at hiding the dark circles under my eyes. They don't go away anymore. I've learned to put on eye cream before I even brush my teeth in the morning. Last night was rough. I started new medication that made me incredibly dizzy and then rashy and itchy at 3am. It's an extended release, so it's been coming in waves all morning. Running errands yesterday wiped me out. I've been dreading my upcoming surgery. I can't get it out of my head that I just don't want to do it. I hate the recovery time. I hate struggling for help. I usually end up sucking it up and not giving myself the time to rest. I end up hiding the pain from everyone just to keep going. I make myself believe I don't matter. It

I realized why my red bearded, Irish heritage, white boy husband needed a Mexican wife. How the hell else could he understand Cheech and Chong? What I'm getting at is that I need more nights like this. Outside. On the porch. 4pm. Fire going. Dinner in the oven. Spirits flowing. And the universe is spending her energy on me. I think she knew I needed this. I needed to forget that I have presents to wrap. And a stack of cards in my purse that need stamps. Fudge to be made. A craving for an attempt to make my own lemon curd. I'm focused on my son declaring he's drunk because he polished off an open bottle of ginger beer. Basically, he's sugar high. I improvised and toasted a pack of stale peeps that was pushed to the back of the pantry. Then we had to finish off the Dilly Bars that were a blast from my past. Don't, we filled up on lasagna before the sugar fairy paid us a visit. For every down, there's an up. It's hard to see when you're at the bottom, f

I have been both putting off writing and purposely not writing for the month. I'm afraid. I'm completely and utterly afraid of what's behind that noise in my head and I'm more afraid of the effect it will have on me than of the content itself. And then I get lost in the depth and expanse of said content. I'll just put it out there. I'll say it. And I'll talk about it. And maybe I can have some relief. My grandfather is dying. I have no idea how to process that. I put on my stone face and shoved down a throatful of tears to tell my kids. I don't think my son knew exactly what that meant, but he had a great sense of stoicism about him that night. I kinda looked up to him for it. And then my brain chimed in with so much more useless worry. My daughter and my husband wore their emotions so easily. I almost envied them for being able to just let it all out and not even needing to question their sadness. And then the pain in mother's voice on t

Bella was here ;)

Half way through December and I want to rewind to October already. I'm using every single atom of my being to find every fleck of silver lining the universe has given me. They feel so infinitely illusive right now. Maybe more out of reach than a Pulitzer. I miss writing. I had a busy week last week that I very much enjoyed. Of course, my body did not get the memo that we were supposed to keep going strong and have a good weekend too. I've been exhausted again. I have a head cold. I'm fighting a migraine that already kicked me down low this morning. My flare up that started Thursday has subsided, but the pain in my back and legs lingered. I'm trying to focus on getting things done one small task at a time, but I've fallen into guilting myself into submission to taking on large projects. I cooked a helluva lot of chile yesterday. It came out perfect. And instead of resting after, I started wrapping and got frustrated that I haven't bought much this year or finis

I never thought I'd be so nervous about discussing pain management with my primary doctor. I need some kind of pain management to help me between now and surgery. This is also at my specialist's request. But, I'm nervous and I'm here feeling like and addict, although I'm far far from it. This is what the opioid crisis has done to people like me. I know, I talk to other women with endometriosis who are in the same boat. I'm not the only one that refuses to go to the emergency room when my pain gets out of control. Dealing with unbearable pain is the lesser of two evils. I'd rather scream or cry than ask for help and be sent to a social worker again. I'd rather tough it out than be labeled a drug seeker. Because once that ink dries, it's there. It doesn't go away. I have plenty of medical evidence that shows I'm not a drug seeker, but that doesn't seem to matter. I am just person who needs some kind of pain medication to help me feel some

In the last 24 hours I have had some great conversations with two friends. Both have offered me the perspective I needed and both have let me speak my part, thus, further enabling me to let my ideas come to fruition and push myself to toward positive change. As a result, I had a wonderful day! I did housework, which is always so damn redundant, but is quite a necessity. I accomplished everything I set out to do today, which paved the way for the goals of the week. Remember, I did want to complete one gifty type craft as we are in Santa countdown mode. My paints are organized, my craft desk (yes, I have a desk dedicated to crafts) is cleaned and clutter free, and my task desk is also has order to it. I'm ready to make this week my bitch. But wait! There's more! I also had a relatively low pain day. I think when all is right in my world and I can focus on things one at a time and have my eye on a goal, I tend to focus less on what hurts. Yes, I am still in pain (and I will be

Making the trek back from Phoenix now. I had a follow up appointment with my pelvic pain specialist, Dr. Desai. She's amazing. She puts things straight forward with no sugar coating. She gives us all the information we need to make decisions in my healthcare. She is patient and never rushes us knowing we drive two hours to see her. With that, I (we) have decided that surgery is the next best step to take. The alternative was giving 3 months of physical therapy a shot to see if that brings any relief, but I didn't feel that was the best route to go. At least with surgery, if she finds endo lesions, she can excise them and I can start fresh. If endo isn't found, she will take a look around and cut any adhesions that could be the culprit of pain. Either way the surgery goes, we will have a clear path to follow to get my back to where I want to be. Following surgery I will likely go to physical therapy again as part of recovery. The goal is to put even more time between surge

I am horrible at finishing blogs lately. I admit that, yet again, I haven't been feeling my best. And when I do feel good, I guilt myself into catching up on every single thing as fast as I can. And then sometimes that starts a vicious cycle. Today I'm trying my best to break that cycle. I'm nursing a migraine. I had a breakthrough for about 2 hours with no pain, so I finished laundry, cleaned up the kitchen, vacuumed, took out the trash, cleaned the cat box, watered my plants and then took a recliner break because my pain came back in an instant. I have to drive up to Phoenix to see my pelvic pain specialist tomorrow, so I decided that it was time to hit the breaks. I made myself get in a hot bath. I made myself take all my meds. I am making myself take care of myself, as odd as that sounds to me. This week if laundry goes undone, but I complete a craft, I'll be happy. I won't submit to guilt. I'll have more good days in return, and that's the motivation

I'm in the waiting room at a medical center waiting on my beloved while he is finally receiving the first phase of relief from back pain. It's been a long road to get here. Isn't pain such an interesting thing? I am no stranger to pain, having spent the majority of my adult life dealing with it, in all it's multiplicity. I have fought to have my pain validated. Saying that feels so very strange. Maybe validated isn't the right word. I think it's a hard thing to understand since it seems so individual. Pain is defined as distressing feeling caused by intense stimuli. That sounds so elementary. Anyone who has ever been in pain knows there's so much more to it than that. If we only talk about physical pain, that too can be so much more than what you just feel physically.

I've been debating on talking about how I'm feeling. I always freely talk about my dealing with endometriosis and my insights and a little about how I'm feeling, but I think it just touches the surface. It may also be the fact that it's been well over a year since I've felt this bad. The last truly bad time I've had was before my last surgery in August 2017. I made it through the summer and working the busy season at work, but before surgery, it was tough. It could also be that since the last bad time I've had, I seem to have gotten progressively worse. I'm also falling into a mild depression again. It has been over 2 years since I've had problems with depression and anxiety and have needed medication. I don't think I'm to that point yet and I'm trying my damnedest not to get to that point.  My pain is getting worse. For months I've had joint pain and endo pain, but usually at different times. My endo pain has also been under

Someone else should narrate my life for a day. I crave that insight. How mundane I must be. Maybe not as strange and unusual as I feel in my own skin and must emanate outward? I came in the door pretty late after 2100 hours last night. Walked in to my wife on the recliner, reading, listening to the same CD I've had on repeat because she left it in the car 3 days ago. She was stoned and had an empty glass of red wine on the table beside her. I knew from her texts that she had a rough afternoon, so I was glad she was relaxing. I honestly couldn't wait to just get in bed. I think my sense of self is constantly evolving. I think my interest was piqued when I read something along the lines of a person is not just one person. A single individual is actually comprised of many different versions of that individual. I get it. I'm not the same person to my husband as I am too my mother or my daughter or my son. Yes, these are different relationships, but each has a distinct

I  I apologize for my absence. I don't feel I owe an explanation, though.  The most wonderful time of the year is upon us, but I've been putting off making my to do list and actually accomplishing anything in any logical order. I have been randomly taking on tasks and then kicking myself for the ones I don't accomplish. I really need some time to plan things out and stay on top of things before it's December 23rd and I'm out of steam.  I have been reading more again. I'm hoping to get to the bookstore next next week to do some christmas shopping and hopefully pick up a few things for myself. I need to dedicate a whole day to the bookstore, though, because I can easily spend hours there.  I  have started an old book again. It's the memoir of Adam Nergal Darski, front man for one of my most favorite bands, Behemoth. We have a lot of similar ideas about religion and it's interesting the memories the very first page brought to the forefront

It's 2:15 in the afternoon.  I only worked 4 hours today, but my body feels like I worked 10.  I finally got my B12 shot. For the 1st time it made my arm hurt pretty bad. I don't know how to say this but I've been slowly feeling depressed again.  I start my leave from work on Tuesday And that's not really a bad thing. 18 years of working with a company... It's gonna be a little sad to start my leave because I know I'm probably not coming back. If anything I'm not looking forward to missing the people that I have grown to love over the years. I know this is the right decision for me, though. I think for the 1st time in a long time I'm not looking forward to my birthday. I have no plans for the 2nd year in a row and I don't even know if I want to celebrate. That makes me sad because I love celebrating anything and everything. I don't care about getting older. It just feels like my life is changing so dramatically. It's also hard to celebrate

Today was shit from the start, no matter how hard I tried. My doctor appointment was rushed, so I didn't get my B12 shot, nor did I get to ask many questions. Silver lining... I got leave of absence paperwork completed and got my handicap placard paperwork sent in. Yeah, I dislike driving lately and have a hard time walking around when I'm running errands. Not sure if it'll help, but I'll take closer parking. Leave of absence company called me after receiving paperwork so quickly and my case manager was an ass. Condescending wanker. Basically told me they needed to call my doctor for medical evidence that I needed to be on leave. And now I have to see if my specialist is going to recommend surgery, which will ultimately push my leave through. It's safe to say that id put money on going under the knife soon. Midday goes fine. I'm over the morning. Then, I pick my kids up and the fun begins. I'm heading toward an intersection to turn right, going to another

I've been awake for over an hour, watching the sun come up. I caught a cold from my son and have been coughing and coughing since it was still dark out. And the coughing has brought a lot of pain today. Yesterday too, but not this bad. I feel like I should be used to it. It happens most mornings. My feet ache and I have to grip the edge of the bed and the door and the wall to make it across the hall to the bathroom. And then after a while, it dulls and I can ignore it. This morning my back aches, likely from the cough, and the pain in my legs has me slowly breathing in and out so I won't cry out loud. Being sick triggers a pain flare. I remember back in January I had the flu. Once I was over it, my body just gave up. I was in physical therapy and I rememver my husband having to take me and help me walk in. I didn't want to miss a session and it was important to me for my therapist to see what a bad flare looked like. After all that, I ended up taking a few weeks of work t

Welp, after such a fantastic day yesterday, I started off my Thursday completely achy and with a terrible case of the dropsies. I sacrificed an egg attempting to make breakfast. The recliner was so very accommodating after that. Currently I'm in a hellfire bath in an attempt to make my legs work. I'm hoping the meds I took help out a bit too. I'm looking forward to the monthly PTO meeting later, so it'd be really nice if my body could cooperate. I actually started using a different pain logging app called Pain Scale. I have abandoned Phendo for a bit since then pain I've been experiencing is only partly endometriosis pain. I don't think the endo is causing my joints to hurt like this, even though there is a possibility I could have endo lesions on my nerves. I actually can't wait to see my doctor next week and then to see my specialist the following week. My neuro follow up was also bumped up, which I'm happy for. Maybe we can make some sense of every

I've been feeling great the last two days and all I can think of is how the pendulum of my health swings to such extremes. Lately I try to keep track of everything to see what sets me off and what doesn't and there really is no rhyme or reason to any of it. This past Saturday morning, I could barely walk and it took an awful lot of medication to get me through the day. It was a great day in the end, but one still filled with lots of pain. And then today, I got up at my regular time, started laundry and picking up the house and then went outside to start to paint the porch. It was such a huge difference from how I felt just days before. On good days like today, I can't even fathom how I could have been in so much pain. I try not to waste a second of a good day. I don't know if I mentally put all the bad days in the back of my mind or if I hyper focus on feeling so good. It boggles me. Completely. I also never know how I am going to feel the next day. Today's da

Today is election day. I'm actually finishing my mail in ballot this morning and dropping it off at the polling place up the street. October got away from me because I was busy having fun. Plus, I think I needed the pressure of last minute to make my decisions. There's just too much going on in the world today. I actually may even watch the news later to see what's going on with the results. It's also a good thing to be an example for my kids. They'll be voting someday too.  Aside from voting today, I'm home with the LokiDoki monster who has a fever. I've decided that I'm going to let his fever run its course today. He needs to be better for school tomorrow. I've also had the sore throat for 24 hours now. I might as well rest up with him. I forgot to schedule my B12 shot last month, so my immune system may have taken a hit. I hate getting sick with everything. I'm glad the B12 shots have helped since I started them in March, after getting

I'm at work this morning and I'm miserable. I feel great today, but I have grown to despise the toxic environment that my workplace has become. No one is happy. And that bothers me. I've always read articles about why employees are unhappy and the thing that sticks out to me is that people don't usually quit jobs, they quit bosses. I feel that rings very true lately. I have seen so many people leave simply because they feel there is a huge lack of respect lately. That has been my nail in the coffin. I have 7 shifts left before I take a leave again. Yes, my health does play a role in this. But my health has always been a factor in everything. And, previously, despite my health, I have always tried to give my job 120% because of the people I have worked with. Now, I honestly can't change how people treat each other. I have tried, but the lack of communication and kindness has already left an irreparable rift in the environment and toxicity has seeped in and d

I've decided this morning that all I want to do is immerse myself in music and art and books. Basically, all the things that make me happy and make me forget how afraid I am.

Your traditional idea of a haunted house just happens to by my dream house. Something old and in need of love and full of life not of the living.  Today is not about my dream house of haunts. Or pumpkins. Or treats. It's really about the beginning of a time of year when we come together. It's a wonder that the first of the fall and winter holidays is All Hallows Eve, the beginning of the time set aside to remember our loved ones long since gone.  Tonight there will be magic all around and warmth in my heart.

I'm currently still on a search for as much information as I can find about the pending investigation into the drug Lupron. Lupron is a drug commonly used to treat prostate cancer in men, and more recently, to treat endometriosis symptoms in women (and men in some cases as well). It works by overstimulating the production of hormones, namely testosterone and estrogen, causing them to stop being produced temporarily. I fought with insurance companies in 2015 to take Lupron after having a surgery that provided no relief from my pelvic pain. It was the second to last resort treatment that my OBGYN at the time suggested. We didn't want to skip to the last resort, which was having my last remaining ovary removed, because being only 34, it was not the best idea to undergo surgical menopause. I was excited to try my 6 months of Lupron to see if it provided at least a few years of relief. It was highly recommended, with the only side effects being worsening symptoms shortly after t

I had the most amazing weekend! That makes two in a row. I hope we keep this as the current trend.  Friday was our first PTO event at the school. Sonoran Science East PTO First Annual Trunk-Or-Treat! I was so surprised at the amazing turn out as well as all the helping hands we had! The event even came together without any huge snags! It was a little stressful, I'll admit, but it was worth all the work we put into it. I'm excited to start planning more! Saturday we celebrated the life of the woman that showed me what friendship is all about. And we celebrated together as an amazing tribe of people. Linnea, you gave me the one thing that I had needed and searched for and that is an amazing group of people that are so full of love and caring. You showed me it was OK to be me, with all my flaws and everything. You welcomed me and my family into the tribe and we will forever be grateful for that. My kids are surrounded by other amazing kids and they are care for by so ma

OH MY GAWD! I have so much to say right now. Like, my brain finally processed all that noise and now I can package it up and sell it like American cheese. Calm down. Not sure where I was going with that cheese part, except I haven't had much to eat today unless you count the popcorn samples and can of Chef Boy-are-you-kidding-me-this-isn't-pasta I ate. Oh, and a pretzel at work because I love stress eating and intended to, but life happened and I still have a pastry from my all time favorite spot chilling in a bag on the table... It's all because this morning I dropped the thing I love just a little more than my kids as a result of my back spasm. My beloved make-up and brushes cascaded down around me like Sephora was literally making it rain. Sit down, I actually do love my kids more, even when my favorite black sparkly Kat VonD lippie is painted on the side of the bathroom cabinet. I held my breath inhumanely long when I saw that disasterpiece. So yeah, my back spams s

I've decided to leave yesterday's blog as an abandoned draft. Sometimes I need to do that to grow from what I've written. It wasn't very nice. It was a whole lotta me being unhappy with work and feeling stuck. I have come to terms with the fact that I can't change it. I can't magically take the stress away and return my happy work family to a time before so much discontent. I believe that while each one of us does contain the power to change things if we so wish, there are some things we cannot change. Those that fail to bend usually break. Work is broken. It's toxic and I cannot be part of the redeeming forces that may or may not eventually bring back the bend that is so necessary to excel in anything.  Moving on now... I had another amazing day today for two reasons. One reason being that I had a follow up appointment with my new OBGYN. My bloodwork is all great (normal). No thyroid problems! Normal blood sugar. No more low potassium. I think my

Today we had an early birthday celebration and we celebrated in style... Dia De Muertos style! We had tacos for dinner, followed by my first viewing of the movie "Coco" and finishing off with my homemade Pan de Muerto and other delicious pan dulce. Happy birth month, Jon! The highlight was actually finally watching "Coco," which I had been putting off for months and months for fear of becoming a ugly crying mess. I do that on occasion and I had heard time and time before that this movie was a tear jerker. And guess what? I cried just a little bit. It was such a fun movie! So colorful and also the source of my new favorite thing to sing to my kids when they make me "un poquititito loco," which is pretty much every day. It left me wondering, why do abuelitas always look so so angry in pictures? And I have pictures of abuelitas from multiple generations to back this up! (Thanks to my ancestry project a few years back.) It is just because a woman's j

To be honest, I'm writing this blog a few days late. I had such an amazing weekend, I kinda made blog notes, but that's as far as I got. I spent most of my Saturday with my tribe, including 13 kiddos and some pretty amazing adults. Man, I needed that connection so badly. I am so incredibly grateful for having other parents that I can relate to. Not that I didn't have that at all, but it just feels great to click as part of a group.  I think all adults, parents or not, need friends. And not just people we see on occasion. I believe we need the kind of friends that we can laugh and share with or even swing to the other extreme and share our grief with and, of course, everything in between that. Plus, it's a bonus for me when there are other parents, no matter the age of the kids. Kids need friends too and when they can learn to relate to kids of different ages, it builds on their social skills. Really, we just all need friends. That's it, plain and simple.

We made it through another week, my friends. And this week ended quite fabulously. I spent a whole day at the kids' school helping out. First, I helped with picture retakes. Then, I made boxes for a candy competition to help with our Trunk-or-Treat event. Next was lunch with both my kids. I treated them to a special lunch and I also helped clean the cafeteria. I ended my day with distributing event fliers and candy collection boxes to each classroom. Let me tell ya, I was so impressed with how hard the staff and teachers work. I was excited to meet more of the teachers and staff. The amazing office ladies were busy from the start to the end of the day helping parents, sick kids and teachers alike. The principal started the day with a staff meeting and then spend the rest of the day going from classroom to classroom listening to and mediating between students that needed problem solving help. It is so refreshing to be part of a school that cares so much about the students and

This is the first morning in a long time I've woke up in a whole lotta pain. It actually started last night during family movie night. My left shoulder hurts every time I move my arm. My hips, lower back and legs keep getting shooting pains and have just stayed sore. I hate taking medication, but I'm loaded up and ready to feel better. I have a busy day ahead and I don't want to feel like this. Well, I can say that the best thing to take my mind off my pain is getting involved in something bigger than me. I attended a PTO meeting this evening and came home feeling so different from how I woke up. I am totally looking forward to our Trunk-or-Treat event next Friday. It's our first event and we're hoping to raise some money to get more projects up and running. Fingers crossed all the pieces fall into place.

"Remember to look up at the stars and not down at your feet." -Stephen Hawking I haven't been excited to share a quote or read a great new book in a while. I was helping my daughter with finding an article for her homework and I came across a brief description of Stephen Hawking's last book. I'm enamored by his belief in aliens, in the idea that everything can be explained by the laws of nature and the sad realization of how divided we are.  Can you imagine a moment in time where people stop and look around and realize that we are all bigger than just the bodies we inhabit on this Earth? Instead of keeping your eyes down, focused on your own existence, wouldn't it be a nice change to stop and look at the stars? Look around you, focus on how you can impact the world around you, rather than how the world impacts you. Maybe we can stop wanting to fight over opinions and unpopular beliefs and learn basic respect all over again. I notice the noise in my

Driving from Flagstaff to the Grand Canyon through the San Francisco Peaks.... The forest is filled with magic. Gnarled old trees look like they can reach their darkened branches out and wrap me in an embrace not lacking emotion and full or warning. The small trees are almost sweet and whispy like down. They yearn to grow as tall as the sky. Between the trees, the energy of the universe gathers. Some call this god, some the goddess or even Mother Earth. But I know it's witchcraft, full of potential and read to be mixed with the energy or knowledge, growth and love. This kind of magic can teach you to love yourself and show the importance of caring for others. I wish every being could feel this magic. I wish it could be harnessed to heal the Earth, people and all. We could use some healing.

Last year's vacation was just three weeks after my first excision surgery for endometriosis. I had had plenty of ablation surgeries along with a hysterectomy previously. I wasn't afraid of going on an 8 hour car trip so soon. It was something I looked forward to. This year feels different. In the last month, my endo symptoms have been looking over my shoulder day in and day out. I was actually scared of the car trip and the walking. It's not normal to have stabbing pains when my bladder is full, but that happened yesterday. I can remember a trip to San Diego a few years ago that I packed double for not knowing if I'd be swollen like I was in my second trimester. It really didn't bother me then. Now I find myself only buying stretchy pants and leggings. Thankfully stretch jeans are all the fashion. Comfort is key, right?  I really shouldn't care, but the swelling has become a symbol of pain and discomfort again. It can sometimes be a symbol of healin

I've been reading a lot more lately. I've always loved reading, but haven't really carved out the time for it. I think I've read mostly comic books in the last few years. It still counts as reading. Recently I had the opportunity to beta read a book written by a friend. I honestly didn't know what to expect when I downloaded " Universus Respondet." I pretty much dove right in whenever I had time. I read in the pool on my pool floatie, in the car while my husband drove to get the kids from school, in the recliner in the evening while my kids zoned out to cartoons. It was hard to find stopping points when I needed to put the book down, as the adventure within pulled me and held tight.  The story takes place in the future, which is always a nice start for a good scifi read. We're moving in the direction of colonizing Mars when we encounter something alien. We had started watching the Alien franchise just before I read this book, which remind

I think this year I finally have learned to appreciate the beauty around me. I'm enjoying being outside and being on the go. There is a solace to nature that stops time and brings comfort to a weary mind. You stop being a slave to life and start to exist as you should. This is the first time I've enjoyed a long drive. I'm no longer paying attention to the road or the miles or the time. I'm thinking of ways to describe the blue of the distant mountains that shift to grey as we get nearer. Blues that join the sky farther off in the distance as the mountains melt into the horizon and your eyes strain to see more. Blues that turn grey as the mountains come closer into view. Slowly I can see the blue fade completely and the grey turns to brown and then begins to show bits of green. I enjoy watching the colors shift like a living work of art. The more your eyes take it in, the more you see and feel and connect with. Soon we'll see the leaves change as the northern land

I wanted to feel like I accomplished something this morning, so I made myself a to do list. It's very long and I should have put it in order of what needs to be done first. I figure it's ok if I take all weekend to finish the list. I also was thinking if I should reward myself between finishing tasks. I have some bakery treats, but no appetite. That won't work. I guess I'll reward myself by keeping the TV on and taking mind numbing breaks. Can't go wrong with Halloween things to watch. Let's see how this goes.... 0910, the bathroom is clean. Sitting down for a few minutes of "Halloween Wars" on food network. I don't know why I love this so much.  1413, the kitchen is clean, the pool is put away for next year, and I've cleaned up paperwork on my desk. I have also showered and curled my hair for the day. Halloween stuff is also out of the shed and in the house and I've put up a whole two things. It's a start. I have about 1

It's been a rough transition going back to work this time around. I want it to be Friday already. And I know I'm not working very much, but it's that when life is supposed to go smoothly, it throws out the spike strips to slow you down. I'm currently sitting in the dentist office with Loki. His not-so-loose tooth is hurting him. We went through the same kinda thing with Bellini, and she ended up having teeth pulled. Mind you, I'm supposed to be away work in less than an hour. Bellini also woke up with a sty in her eye. We're waiting that one out since it's not urgent and I can likely treat it myself. Fast forward to the afternoon. I'm sitting in the ER with Mark now. His back isn't doing so hot. We need to figure things out before vacation next week. On top of all this, Bellini is a little under the weather at school, but doesn't want to come home. At least that's one less extra errand for me for now. Let's see how things are when I p

I'm excited that it's October, because I finally get to show my true self! Ok, well, that seems so cliché now that I said it. I love all things Halloween! My house is Halloween every day of the year, but in October, the rest of the world joins us.  I want the month to go slow. I go back to work tomorrow, very very part time. I'd say I'm nervous, but I'm just preparing myself for the storm. It's busy season, but this year I am not going to work myself into a flare up or what ever else happens to my body when I stress out. Work exists without me and I exist without work. I can accomplish what I will in the hours that I am working and not worry about what I cannot accomplish in those hours. Plus, with the new pay increases, I'm almost back to working new hire wages. Yes, we all deserve a living wage, but when you have employees that after working for a company for 18 years will be making what every new person makes, it's just a big middle finger. Yet